Breaking Point

I recently had a conversation that got me to think more critically about my writing.

I love telling the story of Chie and her friends. And even though "1 More Chance!" is quickly coming to an end, there is a much larger tale that I can tell about my oft-maligned trio of protagonists (that being Chie, Yousuke, and Kuma). But this recent conversation made me start to rethink that larger story.

Not the plot of it, or where the characters are going, or what's eventually going to happen to them, because all of that was decided a long, long time ago.

But if that particular story should even be.

Basically, I was told to get my ass out of the safety of the fan fiction game and return to the professional circuit, shopping around spec chapters and writing letters to agents and editors who can possibly get my name on the shelves for real. I admit the thought is tempting, and I think I'm a much better writer now than I was when I first swam in that pool, almost ten years ago.

But I would miss this story. I would miss these characters. I would miss all of the wonderful and terrible things I've thought up and stressed over and plotted over the last two years. I've never felt such a connection to these people as I have with any other characters, before. Maybe it's because so much of me is in them already. But I feel as though dropping them now - with their stories only half-told - would be a shame. Perhaps not to you (because who are you, anyway? I don't even know), but to me.

Then again, I've fallen in love with some of my original characters, too, and the tales they had to tell. Maybe those stories deserve a return look, another pass by the editor.

Maybe it's time for me to grow up, to leave Chie and Yousuke and the rest behind.

Maybe I just need to look at all of the charming stories I've yet to tell for them - the stories of love and happiness, the stories of pain and heartbreak, the stories of life and of death - and just...give them to someone else. Because when it comes down to the words on the page, who are these people, except for figments of my imagination? Beautiful and wonderful and terrifying figments, figments I've come to love writing and love sharing...but figments nevertheless.

There have always been other stories about this particular universe that are more easily accepted, more universally loved, more simply appreciated than mine. And maybe I should have seen that writing on the wall a long time ago, should have realized that all of those lost readers was a sign that my time is done.

I don't know.

I would have enjoyed writing Yousuke's story, though. I would have enjoyed writing Kuma's story, too. And, who knows? There might still be time for them, some day.

But I already knew that the stories I want to tell with these characters aren't what people are looking for. So maybe I'll get lucky, and I'll find an audience out there for my own characters, living in those same stories of family and love.

I hope so.

Poll Closed, and Love Hotel "News"

Well, it's May, and the "Where do you prefer to read my stories" has closed. Thank you to the six (6?) folks who voted; it seems like the majority of you (6!) prefer to read my stories at bonusparts.com. I suppose that means I need to figure out an easy way that readers can leave feedback about the story if they choose, since the only option right now is to send me an email directly. Perhaps some sort of forum solution...? (If you have a good idea about this, please let me know!)

Chapter 62 ("Precious Mistakes") went up the second week in April, and while it didn't get a lot of traffic or comments (yet, anyway...though I average about 4-6 comments per chapter, so I'm not really expecting more), what feedback I did get was positive, which is always nice, especially since it's one of those "slower" chapters.

One author whose work I enjoy wrote about the love hotel Club Escapade, where the Investigation Team stays during their trip to Port Island in the game. It's a funny location, and can lead to lots of interesting situations, but I wanted to take a look at love hotels from a different perspective: not as a source of derision or eye-rolling, but someplace where a couple might really enjoy going, just to get some private time away from it all.

Finding the time to indulge in their baser desires is not a huge issue for my protagonists (because while they've got the equivalent of a 10-year-old girl sleeping in the room next door, it's still another room, and even if they do get a little energetic, it hasn't adversely affected Kuma any), but they also don't have the luxury of getting it on at any time of day they choose. (They do have jobs, after all.) So I wanted to show readers that love hotels - the right love hotels - can be pretty sweet, romantic places, after all.

I enjoyed doing the research for this one, too. :) Perusing information sites and many "rabuho" guest rooms and check-in counters was a fascinating eye-opener into a country and society where privacy is so highly valued, yet there's so very little of it to be had on a day-to-day basis.

I also wanted to take the opportunity of having Chie lead Yousuke in a way we haven't seen before: it's a gentle moment between them that's about intimacy - not just sex - and I wanted her to have the same kind of conversation about past romances that he had in Chapter 61 ("The Way It Is; or, Inertia"). It isn't about her asserting her dominance in a sexual situation; it's about her coming to him as an equal, giving of herself and looking for his acceptance. While it is a sex scene at its core, it's really meant to be much more than that.

I'm working on Chapter 63 right now (in between making pretty, shiny drawings over at deviantART), and it's making me a little bit sad that this story is coming to a close. But the bulk of the story has been moving toward these last moments, and I hope that you'll enjoy them.

You know, all six of you.