Q: WTF is up with Souji?!

WARNING! Spoilers through Chapter 55 ("Broken Bonds")!
If you have not read Chapter 55, please do not read this update!

If you do want to read, roll over the following text.

Q: The common question this week (already; I just posted the new chapter on Wednesday) seems to be:
Why the hell is Souji acting this way?!

A: All will be revealed, most of it next chapter.

In somewhat more detail, I've been dropping hints that there was something not-quite-right with Souji since Chapter 46 ("Bushi no Kokoro"). Actually, I've been hinting at his issues since his physical introduction in this story, but readers would have had to have been reading REALLY closely to notice it, so I consider that the source of this conflict first came up in Chapter 46.

Everyone has their own personal demons (or, in this case, gods) with which they've got to contend. (And that's a hint for you.) In my story, a Persona represents a higher ideal of what a person can become. When you face your Shadow and you accept yourself, you open yourself to your Persona. When you face the truest part of yourself, your Persona evolves - just as you evolve - toward the greater ideal of your creation. For seventeen-year-old Chie, that was Suzuka Gongen, a fierce and fearsome demoness of cunning and strength.

But not everyone in the Investigation Team took these steps during the year of the Midnight Channel. One of them got to skip all of that just by signing a contract. (That's hint number two.)

Now, the contract is fulfilled; Souji says as much in Chapter 46. The Compendium of Personas is closed; he doesn't have access to it anymore. (He tells the others this outright, too.) But he's still got his own Persona, right? I mean, that can't be taken away from a person; it's part of who he is. (And there's hint number three, and the rest will have to wait until Chapter 56.)

I had been afraid that I'd been beating readers over the head with all of the hints that I've been dropping for the last several chapters, but maybe I was wrong. Maybe I've been too subtle about this whole thing. Not that it really matters, of course, since most of the details regarding this will be revealed in Chapter 56, which at this rate should be in a little less than two weeks.


I hope I haven't given away too much of what's going on in the story so far. But much of the feedback I've received is from readers who seem like they're floundering for clues, so I decided to write this one up.

Q: Commonality

Q:
I need to ask: How do you feel about common plot threads between different authors' stories?

A:
Does anyone have a good one? Seriously, I'm asking.

This story being a fan fiction based upon a game, there are a lot of plot points that are going to pop up that occur in similar fashion in other writers' stories. The idea of facing oneself is one of them, of course, as is the idea of people having Shadow facets that come back to haunt them. This story has both of those, naturally. That isn't my problem.

My problem is that the plot points that I've been trying to develop over the past 54 chapters are happening in other stories, published prior to my chapters or at the same time, and I'm not certain what to do about it.

I've spent a long time (the better part of a year!) trying to fashion these subplots to fruition and conclusion, and I don't think that I can go back and change them now. I don't think I want to do that. (Actually, I know I don't want to do that. It would mean scrapping the last 400 pages or so, and just ending the story after the Duel chapters.) But will readers who cross over with other authors (or the authors themselves) read what I've written and think I've stolen their ideas?

I admit that reading other stories that tackle the same conflict have taught me what I don't want to do for my own story, but I really want my story to have the appropriate impact for the characters involved. And I really don't want my story to be viewed as an also-ran or a copycat. I truly came to these ideas on my own (led by the game, of course), and I've put a lot of work into making them, well, work.

Without revealing anything here (because the conflict hasn't been brought fully to light...unless you've been paying attention to every single phrase with a magnifying glass), I will say that readers who follow more than just my story will come to recognize some familiar issues to other stories'. I'm afraid that I just can't help that. I'm trying to create the issues in a way that's logical for my characters, and I'm trying to create equally logical solutions, as my characters would come to them.

I really just want to write a good, solid story. I'm sorry if it ends up reading like something you've read before. Perhaps I just need to keep repeating to myself that there are no original stories anymore...all that's original is the way I decide to tell my story. I can only hope that readers get some enjoyment out of it, too.

Q: Is anyone actually reading this?

A: ???

Songfics

Okay, nobody asked for this, but I decided to post it here, anyway.

Here's a little group of links to excerpts for the songs that have been used in the story so far. Each excerpt is just about 1 minute in length, but it should still give you an accurate idea of the feeling of each piece.

Chapter 37 - "Agonies and Thrills" - has Rise singing up to Yousuke and Chie. The song is "Free and Easy" by Hamasaki Ayumi, copyright 2002, and is used here without permission. Listen to the excerpt here! (This particular excerpt is the exact part of the song that is described. I listened and studied this song for hours before I finally got the translation right and was able to create the proper feel for the piece within the story.)

Chapter 42 - "Farewell, My Youth" - has Rise singing a song onstage, while the rest of the team listens around the Tanabata Matsuri festival set-up. The song is "Endless Sorrow" by Hamasaki Ayumi, copyright 2002; it's used here without permission. Listen to the excerpt here!

Chapter 43 - "Dandelion Wishes", which covers the Tanabata festival that was referenced back in Chapter 30, "Star Princess" - actually has a couple of songs:

Rise's song onstage is "Voyage" by Hamasaki Ayumi, copyright 2003; used without permission. Listen to the excerpt here!

Nanako and Kimiyo's song onstage is "Wo Qui Non Coin" by Yoko Kanno, copyright 1999; used without permission. Listen to the excerpt here!

Yousuke's song to Chie is "Tanpopo" by Tsuji Ayano, copyright 2006; used without permission. Listen to the excerpt here! (This particular excerpt is the final chorus, where Yousuke joins Rise in singing.)

* * * * *

Some readers do not like song-fics, or stories that have songs placed into them. I don't often like them, myself, since it can feel like the author is taking a short-cut, and using the song to convey emotion and description that the author should really be doing with their own words (as opposed to someone else's). And, honestly, I dislike it when an author just plops in a huge block of lyric text and doesn't enhance it for the sake of the plot or characterization. I've tried not to do that with this story, but I suppose each reader has to decide for him or herself about that.

Getting Back on the Horse

I had a rough time a couple of weeks ago with the writing. Things were just not flowing properly, for some reason. I actually had to scrap one whole chapter (50), and rewrite it again, this time splitting it into 2 separate chapters. I do much prefer the newer chapters as they are, but it definitely took the wind out of my sails, so much that I didn't even update last week at all!

Today sees Chapter 52, "Thrall", posted, one week in advance of the 52-week mark (because my first post on March 11, 2009, was with Chapters 1 and 2, and I updated Chapter 9 before it was due). I think that's still something to be proud of, even if I did miss a week of updating.

I'm hoping that the new chapter will regenerate interest in the story, as I seem to lose readers fairly regularly. I suppose that happens with every story (and mine is a monster in terms of length), but I do often wonder what happened to some of the readers who showed such interest in the early days and then just dropped off the radar. I kind of wish that I could know what made them stop reading/giving feedback...and I kind of don't.

Well, the story's at least in its last arc, with one more fight coming up, and then a whole lot of romance/relationship denouement. (It is a romance/friendship story, after all.) And I've already got a basic outline set up for "Breaking Point," which is the potential sequel story focusing on Yousuke and Kanji, of all people. O.O (It makes sense, trust me.)

I just want to be excited and in love with writing again. I guess that should not depend on things like hit statistics and review numbers, though it certainly helps. I'm getting there, but it's been difficult to pick myself up and dust myself off after the debacle that was Chapter 50.

Ah, well. We live and learn.

POV / Valentine's Day / (not really)

I was going to try and finish "Fireflies and Snow" in time for Valentine's Day (and because the story mostly takes place at that time, in 2012), but it looks like "1 More Chance!" will need the time before the regular Wednesday update (now working on Chapter 51! As Strong Bad would say, "Ah, holy crap!").

I'm starting to think more and more that the sequel to "1 More Chance!" should be told from Yousuke's point of view, since it's been a long time since I've done a male character's perspective. I was also fooling around with an idea that I was calling "1 More Chance! Reprise" that would have been some of the scenes from the main story - and some scenes to which Chie is not privy - told from his point of view...but then I thought that maybe that would just be rehashing old territory. (Some examples: Yukiko's party at the inn; the Wing Chun event; the first kiss; the first sexual overture; the duel acceptance; and so on.) The interesting part of that idea is that the reader would get to see what was going through Yousuke's head during those scenes...but the reader already knows the outcome, so I wonder if it would be nothing more than an exercise for my own ego. The more I consider the issues - and how many scenes I'd want to do - I think I'd much rather move forward with the timeline as originally proposed, after the conclusion of "1 More Chance!"

...And I can't believe that I'm already plotting the sequel to a story that's currently running upwards of 450,000 words...!




I really need to get back to work and just stop thinking about this stuff.

The Failure of Chapter 50

I was never pleased with the original Chapter 50 of this story.

I wrote it in something of a rush, over the course of about two days, after being sick and having some deadlines at work. So, I should not have been surprised when I felt that it just wasn't ready. But it got across the points that I "needed" to have made in the story so far. And, after getting a prod about how long the story had left to go and doing some calculations, I was feeling some pressure to get the story completed in an acceptable time frame. (Although, really, what is "acceptable" in fan fiction? These are stories written for ourselves, after all.)

After less than 48 hours, and losing a little bit of sanity over fears about how much the chapter, well, sucked, I decided to take it down. (I had something of the same issue with Chapter 32, "Listening Skills," though I didn't feel bad about that one...just the readers didn't like it.)

This is the first time that I've "missed" a weekly update since I first started posting the story back in March of 2009, and while I feel like I've failed in that part of my mission, I want the story to be able to stand on its own merits. I don't want to have a chapter up that I just plain don't like...and that is causing me problems.

I did want to thank the three folks who bothered to read and review Chapter 50 early, and I let them know the reasons for why I was doing what I did. I also took into account their feedback and a couple of questions that they posed when I started the rewrites (it pays to give thoughtful reviews!).

Hopefully, I'll have Chapter 50 (and maybe even 51) ready to go by this coming Wednesday. Definitely 50, though. The faithful deserve that much.

So, there was a failure this week. But I think there was also something learned. And that's really what this process is about.