Thank you - Q&A followers/commenters!

I originally started this blog to post my thoughts on some of the questions that came up in reviews of "1 More Chance!" As it turned out, most folks didn't really have questions, per se, but it's been fun and enlightening to post here as I've gone through the story, writing and rewriting and figuring out what worked best (and what didn't, too).

I've got to take a brief moment and thank my two followers/commenters:
ViktorMayrin and JS Dulude
These two readers are the only ones to ever comment on, well, any of the posts here, and it's been very interesting (and often very inspiring) to read their thoughts. Sometimes, their feedback was just what I needed to get motivated again and put my head down and power through to the end of the chapter.

I don't know if anyone else reads this, but these two supporters deserve some extra thanks from me for reading, following, and taking the time to comment. :)

Delays, delays....

I keep hearing Marvin the Martian's voice as I read that title....

Yes, I know it's been much longer than it probably should be between chapter updates. And I'm not going to make excuses for myself, because I know that I've been spending less time on the draft than I should be, or than I used to.

I've lost some of my (favorite) long-time readers/reviewers, though, and it does sting a bit to know that they're no longer interested in the story. So, I've been doing my best to really write this to my greatest satisfaction...because, being the author, I'm really the only one who feels strongly enough about this story to want to keep going.

That said, I've been writing and re-writing Chapters 58, 59, and 60 in my notes and in my head and on the virtual page, trying to get the end of the story to come out neatly and the way that I want it to. (There's nothing worse than reading a story where the author obviously didn't think very long about where the plot was going to go!) I'm trying to move away from the really heavy drama/angsty stuff, but with the developments that occurred at the end of Chapter 57, "Nightmare", it's difficult not to have at least a little bit of deep soul-searching. So, just as a warning to those of you still interested, there will be some of that heaviness in Chapter 58. But hopefully you'll find that the rest of the chapter works itself out.

Or maybe not...I guess we'll have to wait and see.

I haven't given up, though. I want to have the next chapter up this week, but we'll just have to see how it goes.

In the meantime, if it's not done by Wednesday, do you want to see it before the following Wednesday? Or, would you rather I stick to the particular-day-of-the-week posting?

Let me know! :D

The Kage

I've been waiting to write the characters' Kage/影/Shadow forms for a long time, now...probably since all the way back in Chapter 19 ("A Dream of You")...which, interestingly enough, I recall working on just about a year ago to this week.

I did not go into detail with the updated Kage as represented in Chapter 57 ("Nightmare"), because I didn't want to just spell everything out for the reader. I gave descriptions, yes, but I think that the Kage should stand on their own, to be interpreted as the reader sees fit. I feel that I've given enough background into each of the characters, that the reader can (hopefully) pretty accurately extrapolate what's going on with each of them, as I've envisioned them to be. There are a couple for whom I've come right out and said what they represent (because I needed that conversation to take place at that time in the plot, and I wanted two of the characters to have a nice little personal moment between them), but the main Kage are left to be interpreted by Chie's bias.

And Chie definitely has a bias, as I have said many, many times before. But we'll get into that in the next chapter....

That said, I loved dropping little hints about the Kage throughout the earlier chapters, and imagining the way that they would all look, and how they would all act. Chie's and Yousuke's are very important to the story, of course, because of their progression (and regression) as a cooperative and co-dependent couple...but I think I enjoyed creating Naoto's Kage the most. There's just something about her image that I find so darn entertaining and amusing. Kanji's was perhaps the most difficult to envision properly, because ultimately I find him the least flawed of the team, in my story. (And here I have to admit that the idea for Maou's giant sword came quite late in the design. Back when the Kage were going to take a much more active role in the final conflict, I had wanted them to closely resemble their associative Personas, and so Rokuten Maou had to have a big old sword - just like Yamatotakeru has a katana. I was going to give Maou just a regular broadsword, but then I saw the movie 9, and I adored the look of 8's shears-sword. So, I stole that little detail from the movie. But I think it fits with Kanji/Maou, don't you?)

So, no question again. But I figured that, while I write through these last chapters, you might enjoy a little more insight into one of the latest chapters, and how I came to those characters.

Remember, if you have questions about "1 More Chance!" - or any of my stories - please feel free to leave a review, or send me a Direct Message/Email. Otherwise, this blog will just get filled up with commentary like this one.

Q: Why Megami Tensei instead of Persona Series?

Sort of a boring question this week, but one worth answering:
Q: Why is this story in the "Megami Tensei" section and not the "Persona Series" section (or both)?

A: Because of carelessness and rules.

First, some background:

When I first got the idea of writing this story, I decided to return to Fanfiction.Net after a several year hiatus. I had always enjoyed the opportunity of getting feedback for a story that FF.Net provides (since no one ever sends me direct messages about stories on my personal site), but it had been years since I'd written anything fandom-related that was worth what I considered the adolescent nonsense of dealing with the site.

I had pulled up stakes from FF.Net because a series of my stories had been deleted for no expressed reason. I believe it may have been because I had labeled a couple of different (complete) stories as parts of a timeline, and someone had misjudged them as being one large story, rather than arcs in an overarching timeframe. (Sort of like seasons in a television series. Each one complete but relating to each other chronologically and event-wise.)

Deciding to take my ball and go home, I left FF.Net for several years...only to return when writing within fandom once again appealed to me. The best place (of which I knew) to "publish" the story was FF.Net. I thought I could get some feedback, and I knew that it would be seen by more than a handful of family and friends...most of whom really don't care about my writing, anyway.

Searching through the list of fandoms, I first stumbled upon the Megami Tensei section, and I recognized it as representing the SMT: Persona 4 game fandom. So, I put the first chapter of "1 More Chance!" there.

I just didn't scroll down far enough through the titles to look for the Persona Series section. So, it was just carelessness/laziness on my part.

I've thought over time of switching the story to the Persona Series section, but I get a little concerned that readers who have been following the story will miss it if it jumps sections. Plus, the Persona Series section gets updated with new stories much more quickly, which means that my story would not remain on the front page for very long. That problem doesn't seem to happen in the Megami Tensei section.

And, I won't post a duplicate instance of the same story within two different sections, because that's against the rules of the site. Other writers do it, and that's their decision, but I won't. Maybe it's my Type A personality at work, following the letter of the law, but rules are rules, and I don't think that it's costing me any more readers than having the M Rating does.

I may decide to switch sections for the story once it's finished, as I'll need to figure out where the remaining stories are going to go, and I don't want to run into this conundrum again. But that's a Rubicon for later.

Q: Showing, or Telling?

Another Question from the (not-so-)humble author this week:
Am I showing enough, or am I just telling?

I do try to show more than I tell, because - to be perfectly frank - telling the reader everything outright is both sloppy and lazy writing. Readers should be able to reach conclusions on their own, not be hand-fed (or force-fed) the subtleties of a plot or relationship or characterization...especially through dialogue. It's weak, and it's boring.

Of course, now I'm going to contradict myself, not ten words later, and make exceptions. Because there are certain parts of the story, by its very nature of being told from one character's point of view, that have to be told to the reader. For example:
- Yukiko's decision(s) about marriage;
- Souji's retelling of the falling-out between him and Yousuke;
- Kuma's revelations about what happened to her during the first Mayonaka run.
These are all moments that have to be relayed to Chie by another character, since Chie did not experience these scenes and their associated emotions firsthand. There are also smaller examples scattered throughout the story, but these should give you an idea of what I mean by "telling" the reader, instead of "showing" the reader.

Nonetheless, I am trying not to relate within massive chunks of dialogue pivotal pieces of the plot and developments. I get to be in Chie's head all of the time, but (as I've mentioned in earlier posts), she is not the most observant or deductive of people. However, I often get the feeling that I'm being too subtle with what's going on in the story and between the characters, and I wonder if that's throwing some people off-track from the main plot.

As an example, I was loathe to leave in the conversation about the nature of Souji's issues in Chapter 56...but I thought that if I didn't have that dialogue between the characters, some readers might be completely lost as to what the heck is going on. (It's the conversation that starts with Kuma saying, "We all have Shadows, kuma," and then goes on to each of the characters present making logic leaps - as these Persona Scoobies are wont to do - regarding Souji.) The conversation felt somewhat over-explanatory to me, but I also felt like I had to put it in there because I'm...I don't know...catering to the least common denominator, I guess.

I admittedly went a little overboard with the first half of Chapter 52 ("Thrall"), but that was simply self-indulgence on my part to write such an in-Chie's-head sex scene. I hadn't written one of those in a long time ("Mountain Men" maybe?), and I wanted to foreshadow (no pun intended) some of what was to come in Chapter 56 and 57, regarding the Shadows.

I'm going to try very hard to show more and not tell as much in the remaining chapters, but there are some parts that just need to be told to the reader. Partly for plot reasons - because there are some realizations that the characters can make only when they're together - and partly because, well, I'm not that skilled a writer to describe the point any other way.

But I will continue to try not to just drop you a bunch of text that explains everything for you...and I'll certainly try not to give it to you in dialogue. I have to tell a story that everyone should be able to understand...but I want to be fair to my more intelligent and observant readers, too. :)

Answer: Anyone got a different one?

Q: Why is Souji always the jerk?

Here's a question that came up after Ch56 ("Where Shadows Dwell") went to update, and that I had to comment on, because it seems to be a fairly common complaint with my readers, especially after the last couple of chapters.

Q: Regular reviewer Kisdota The Freak Gamer asks: "Why is it that Souji's always gotta be the jerk in this fic?"

A: That's a loaded question, and it deserves some thoughtful response. So, the following is taken from my direct message response to Kisdota The Freak Gamer's review:

Your opinion is certainly your own, but I hesitate to say that Souji is *always* the jerk. Remember that everything that does not expressly come from his mouth is tinged with Chie's personal biases, including the (over-)protective feelings she has for Yukiko and Yousuke. Souji is the guy who broke both their hearts, and even though that was through no fault of his own (remember what he says in Ch44, "Rude Awakening": “It wasn't my decision...Do you really think I wanted to leave you?”), Chie's feelings of guardianship tend to outweigh her rationality.

[Blog addition: As an example of how Chie's protective feelings can be irrational, go back to Ch20, "The Sharp Eyes of Jealousy", and read the conversation with Chie and Yousuke at the end. In it, there's a paragraph that talks about how she'd like to smash Konishi Saki's face in, just for having broken Yousuke's heart as a teenager, six years prior. If that's not indicative of how irrationally over-protective she can be with her friends and loved ones, I don't know what is.]

And I've tried to portray Souji as a good guy, barring a couple of a missteps...which everyone makes. Yeah, he has a little blow-up with Kuma in Ch44 (which honestly anyone would have done with a clingy girl hanging on their arm when they're trying to have a serious conversation with their would-be girlfriend)...but he also tries very hard to re-establish his bonds with his friends (starting in Ch38, "Two Steps Forward...", when he almost starts to apologize to Yousuke; and in Ch39, "Let Go, Hold On", where he has the falling-out "reveal" conversation with Chie - this is very important). Plus, he goes out of his way to offer his guidance and support (e.g., his "maturity" conversation with Yousuke in Ch42, "Farewell, My Youth").

If your jerkiness comment is referring most directly to the rather sour conversation with Chie and Yukiko about the wedding in Ch55 ("Broken Bonds"), go back and read carefully what Yukiko says during that conversation (“Of course! We agreed to this yesterday, remember?” and “I don't know what's gotten into him. He's never been so concerned with tradition before...!”) - both of these comments are meant to be hints as to what's happening to Souji. Souji's formal language throughout most of these 'off' moments of his character - beginning notably in Ch49 ("Enchantment") and continuing through subsequent chapters - is also meant to be a hint.

Don't mean to belabor this point, but I did want to let you know that all of these missteps are not meant to paint Souji as a bad guy or a jerk...just as human, and someone capable of having a Shadow. And keep in mind, too, that it is his Shadow speaking and acting throughout Ch56. As Kanji intimates, everybody's Shadow was a jerk. So I consider that jerkiness keeping "in character" for a Shadow. :)
...
Souji's only human, and that's how I've chosen to portray him. At his core, he's a good guy, and he's their friend. That's why they're there to save him.

And that response is the honest truth. I sincerely am not trying to make Souji always be the jerk in this story. (And I honestly don't think that he is, but that's just me.) I am trying to make him very, very human, yes: someone capable of having fits of anger and sadness and feelings of being left out.

If you think that my portrayal of Souji is too much as an antagonist, let me know, and that's something I can possibly work on when I edit this monster. But I do remind readers (again) that the story is told from Chie's point of view, and she's certainly not the most rational or objective person around.

Q: What's with the length?!

No one asked this question (yet), but I feel compelled to bring up some of the issues that affect the way that I write, so:

Q: Why is this story so long? Why does it take so long to get to the conflict(s) and resolution(s)?

A: I love words. :)

Actually, the expanded reasoning for the length is that I don't think that very personal issues - like the ones that I'm trying to present in this story - can be solved in a single day (or a chapter, in the case of this story).

For example, one of Chie's principal internal conflicts is that she has a tendency to see things in black and white. There's a definite separation of what is "strong" and what is "feminine" in her mind. She's (very) slowly learning that this doesn't have to be the case, but someone with her very straightforward disposition often needs a kick in the head to really understand the point. It's essentially the same issue that first created her Shadow in the game. (At least, that's how I'm interpreting it.) Yousuke's issue is slightly different: he doesn't want to grow up, but external pressures are forcing him to do so. Both of these characters are coming to terms with the flaws and shortcomings they see in themselves - and in each other - over the course of the story. That kind of soul-searching takes time.

Readers should also keep in mind that, while the story's been "in production" for over a year, for the characters it's only been about seven months since what happened in Chapter 1.

Another issue about the length of the story is that I just enjoy writing the way that the characters interact, my main protagonists most of all. One reviewer said that there was "too much" Chie/Yousuke stuff, and that I wasn't devoting enough time and space to the supporting cast. My reply was that the story is about Chie and her relationships with other people, most notably Yousuke, and that's why they get so much screen time. And (as I mentioned in an earlier post), everyone tends to think that the world revolves around themselves; the story, told as it is from Chie's point of view, necessarily focuses on how she feels, what she does, the moments affecting her life. If I jumped around to other characters' perspectives, I think the story would lose a lot of its subtlety and insight into Chie's character as I've envisioned her. I'm trying to get readers to learn along with Chie, not just be told right out what's happening. She's not a mind reader, and neither should the reader be.

Plus, jumping around to other perspectives would make the wordcount astronomical. :)

That said, there's quite a bit of stuff that I could edit out, but just plain don't want to. Of course, this is author conceit, because - as I said - I love words. But pulling out what I sometimes consider extraneous moments would probably take away from the little character moments that I enjoy so much.

Taking the latest chapter (Chapter 56, "Where Shadows Dwell") as an example, there are several bit moments that I could have left off the page, but I simply enjoyed them too much not to include them:

* the "Who's gonna be leader?" argument;
* a huge chunk of the phone conversation with Naoto and Rise;
* the sleepover at the Tatsumis';
* Rise's phone conversation with Chie;
* Kanji's modifications to Kuma;
* the incongruity of a sexual moment before a battle;
* the kokoro gamae sake ritual;
* and that beating-over-the-head explanation of Souji's Shadow.

The chapter would likely work just as well without any of these, but I felt that they gave a bit more insight into the interrelationships that have developed over the story. (I did, by the way, take out each of these moments - in various stagees of editing - to see how the chapter flowed without them...but put them back in because I'm such a word-hound.)

That said, there likely won't be another chapter as massive as Chapter 56 was. :)

I thank everyone who enjoys the story and the way that I tell it. And for those who don't, well, you didn't have to click on the link in the first place. ;)