Writing these stories seems kind of pointless to me, right now, in light of the natural disasters that struck Japan today. Luckily, all of my friends and family seem to be safe and all right (thank goodness!), but there is still damage and death in the country. Japan is a very small country in comparison to most of the rest of what we somewhat-selfishly call the "First World"...but it is still full of a lot of people, who have lives and loved ones and families.
It makes me feel stupid, to be writing silly stories about my second home, when I could be doing so much more than that to really make a difference. I've donated to the Red Cross, which has a Disaster Alert page set up, but it still feels hollow.
I don't really know what else to do, though, except continue. Prayers are said, words and messages of encouragement are sent, and funds are donated where I can do so.
I guess I'll just let the insight of my characters speak for me, in this case:
Let the people you care about, know that. Today. Because you never know what tomorrow will bring.
11 March 2011
28 February 2011
More edits, more delays, and more...melancholy, I guess.
The newly-edited Chapter 33 ("Juxtaposition") (link goes to the Fanfiction.Net version) just went up a couple of days ago, and - like with Chapters 31 and 32 - I'm quite pleased with the changes made. They're more subtle than the edits made to Chapter 32 ("Listening Skills"), but no less significant to the telling of the story as a whole. It was great fun revisiting that somewhat-tricky conversation with Yukiko on the bleachers, but I do think that the new version is more indicative of what I was trying to get across the first time, but was not able to portray completely to my satisfaction, given the weekly deadlines.
That said, re-working these last couple of chapters really put a stop on my progress on Chapter 62. I'm just now starting to get back into swing with the characterizations of these characters the better part of a year on from where they are during the Duel/Arc III chapters, and it's taking some concentration to work through on the page where Chie and her friends are supposed to be. (Quite a bit of re-reading of chapters 59-61 going on, lately, to help that happen.) I'm looking forward to reaching the end of the Arc III rewrites, even though I think that's probably my favorite of all the plots, because it deals so intimately with the relationship between the two main protagonists.
I really enjoy seeing what new insights new readers bring to this story. A couple of my readers at deviantART are so sharp-eyed about details that it sometimes surprises me. Perhaps because they're used to critiquing visual art, so they pay attention to the little details. But it's been a long time since I've gotten that kind of in-depth, thoughtful feedback for any of my stories in quite a long time.
And it feels awesome.
Of course, to all good things there must come an end, and it's been quiet over there, of late. Quiet at FF.Net, too, despite the number of hits the story still gets.
Every time I see a spike in "interest" (I can only assume there's at least some interest, when there's a bump in hit statistics), I wonder if it's new readers or old ones, and what they think about the story. The wordcount is massive, so I'm guessing that individuals are not just killing time with reading...unless they've got a lot of it to kill. I also wonder what other stories they're reading, how they think my story measures up to others...all of that typical, self-doubting writer stuff....
I suppose that my time is better spent actually writing the story than worrying over it. But I still miss the old days, when I seemed to make more people happy with my story.
Maybe those days will come back, again. I like to hope so.
That said, re-working these last couple of chapters really put a stop on my progress on Chapter 62. I'm just now starting to get back into swing with the characterizations of these characters the better part of a year on from where they are during the Duel/Arc III chapters, and it's taking some concentration to work through on the page where Chie and her friends are supposed to be. (Quite a bit of re-reading of chapters 59-61 going on, lately, to help that happen.) I'm looking forward to reaching the end of the Arc III rewrites, even though I think that's probably my favorite of all the plots, because it deals so intimately with the relationship between the two main protagonists.
I really enjoy seeing what new insights new readers bring to this story. A couple of my readers at deviantART are so sharp-eyed about details that it sometimes surprises me. Perhaps because they're used to critiquing visual art, so they pay attention to the little details. But it's been a long time since I've gotten that kind of in-depth, thoughtful feedback for any of my stories in quite a long time.
And it feels awesome.
Of course, to all good things there must come an end, and it's been quiet over there, of late. Quiet at FF.Net, too, despite the number of hits the story still gets.
Every time I see a spike in "interest" (I can only assume there's at least some interest, when there's a bump in hit statistics), I wonder if it's new readers or old ones, and what they think about the story. The wordcount is massive, so I'm guessing that individuals are not just killing time with reading...unless they've got a lot of it to kill. I also wonder what other stories they're reading, how they think my story measures up to others...all of that typical, self-doubting writer stuff....
I suppose that my time is better spent actually writing the story than worrying over it. But I still miss the old days, when I seemed to make more people happy with my story.
Maybe those days will come back, again. I like to hope so.
22 February 2011
The saga of Chapter 32
Some of you may have noticed that I recently uploaded the rewritten version of Chapter 32, "Listening Skills" (link will take you to the Fanfiction.Net copy). I'm calling this one specifically a rewrite and not an edit, because I basically scrapped nearly the entire chapter and wrote it again from scratch. Some of the interactions remain the same...but I never quite liked the way that one of my favorite moments - that of the "internal music" - did not make it into the final product, in the original version. (For those of you who have read the updated chapter, it's the conversation between when Chie first comes to Yousuke at the cliff and when she goads him into the play fight.)
Originally, that mini-scene took place in Chapter 31, with Kazunori guiding Yousuke, and Chie stepping in later. And while I liked that moment, it took away from the interaction between the sparring fighters, and it pushed Yousuke forward too quickly, especially considering what occurs within the tent later in the chapter. So, I took the scene out, and it lingered in my unused document for many, many months. Until I started doing the edits for deviantART.
I had always really liked that "your music is inside of you" moment, and I looked forward to putting it back into the story. I think it works, especially as a bridging point from Yousuke's attitude in the beginning - where he's still sort of fighting against Chie's influence - to the end of the chapter, where he's become much more dedicated to his training, which extends throughout the rest of the arc.
Much of the feedback for the original Chapter 32 had also commented on how "choppy" the narrative felt, and I think the re-arrangement of scenes and conversations this time around does a better job of uniting the theme of paying attention to yourself (and to your friends, which is where the seed of Yukiko's issues gets planted in Chie's head).
Do you agree? Disagree? Do you appreciate the changes made to the story so far? Or am I just writing for myself, these days?
Originally, that mini-scene took place in Chapter 31, with Kazunori guiding Yousuke, and Chie stepping in later. And while I liked that moment, it took away from the interaction between the sparring fighters, and it pushed Yousuke forward too quickly, especially considering what occurs within the tent later in the chapter. So, I took the scene out, and it lingered in my unused document for many, many months. Until I started doing the edits for deviantART.
I had always really liked that "your music is inside of you" moment, and I looked forward to putting it back into the story. I think it works, especially as a bridging point from Yousuke's attitude in the beginning - where he's still sort of fighting against Chie's influence - to the end of the chapter, where he's become much more dedicated to his training, which extends throughout the rest of the arc.
Much of the feedback for the original Chapter 32 had also commented on how "choppy" the narrative felt, and I think the re-arrangement of scenes and conversations this time around does a better job of uniting the theme of paying attention to yourself (and to your friends, which is where the seed of Yukiko's issues gets planted in Chie's head).
Do you agree? Disagree? Do you appreciate the changes made to the story so far? Or am I just writing for myself, these days?
18 February 2011
Adult themes - Are you ready?
Those of you who follow my writing at deviantART or Bonusparts.com will notice that there are a few pieces posted there that I haven't posted at Fanfiction.Net. Many of these stories are simply old and just not worth the effort of converting and uploading to FF.Net, or (in one case, at least) exist under someone else's account. But there is one story that I purposefully have left off of FF.Net, for a very specific reason.
"Sink Into My Sin" is a very short Persona 4 story that takes a glimpse into the possible relationship between Konishi Naoki and his sister Saki. It's based on a very lovely piece of art by a talented young lady who goes by Marureenu at deviantART. I wrote the story for her, in many ways, and for her art. She herself writes a beautiful little story in the description of the piece, and I urge you to take a look and read it; it's very thoughtful, and thought-provoking.
Normally, I am not one for the darker aspects of human emotion, certainly not in a love or sexual situation. I don't believe that incest as a real-world practice is healthy, but I also think that there can be a very particular kind of love between siblings that is untouched by any other relationship we have in our lives. Examining that in a story setting, though, is tricky. I never know whom I'm going to offend. Which is why I left the story off of FF.Net.
I don't like to say this, but when I read comments and stories on FF.Net, I often get the impression that there is not a lot of open-mindedness, or appreciation for the simple craft of a piece. Even the same-sex pairings are usually written so poorly, without thought for characterization or motivation for the situation, that I can't help but assume these are written by people who are very young, very inexperienced, very closed-minded, or some frightening combination of the three.
Now, that is not to say that everyone is not entitled to their own opinion. You are, and I am. But I've found that so many people have had a problem with the way that I portray just regular, consensual, adult sex in my stories, in all of its confounding human-ness (and realism!), that I can't even imagine what kind of shitstorm could occur if they read my Naoki/Saki piece. I already get dissed by readers because of the style in which I write, and the pairings I favor.
I'm very pleased with the story, myself. It serves its purpose, certainly, and I think it's one of my better vignettes, in terms of cadence and manner. And I love sharing my stories. But I just don't want to deal with the potential backlash from that one.
So, the more that I think about it, the more I'm considering not posting at FF.Net any longer. At least, not posting those stories with a more adult slant to them. The problem is that all of my stories take an adult slant. Not always sexually speaking, but from the perspective of being an adult, dealing with adult issues, which includes adult fears, desires, and conundrums; "Breaking Point" (the sequel story to "1 More Chance!") has those in spades...!
Anyway, if you've read "Sink Into My Sin" (or any of my stuff) and you enjoyed it, I thank you for your support, and for giving my work a chance. Be on the lookout for more stories in the future.
"Sink Into My Sin" is a very short Persona 4 story that takes a glimpse into the possible relationship between Konishi Naoki and his sister Saki. It's based on a very lovely piece of art by a talented young lady who goes by Marureenu at deviantART. I wrote the story for her, in many ways, and for her art. She herself writes a beautiful little story in the description of the piece, and I urge you to take a look and read it; it's very thoughtful, and thought-provoking.
Normally, I am not one for the darker aspects of human emotion, certainly not in a love or sexual situation. I don't believe that incest as a real-world practice is healthy, but I also think that there can be a very particular kind of love between siblings that is untouched by any other relationship we have in our lives. Examining that in a story setting, though, is tricky. I never know whom I'm going to offend. Which is why I left the story off of FF.Net.
I don't like to say this, but when I read comments and stories on FF.Net, I often get the impression that there is not a lot of open-mindedness, or appreciation for the simple craft of a piece. Even the same-sex pairings are usually written so poorly, without thought for characterization or motivation for the situation, that I can't help but assume these are written by people who are very young, very inexperienced, very closed-minded, or some frightening combination of the three.
Now, that is not to say that everyone is not entitled to their own opinion. You are, and I am. But I've found that so many people have had a problem with the way that I portray just regular, consensual, adult sex in my stories, in all of its confounding human-ness (and realism!), that I can't even imagine what kind of shitstorm could occur if they read my Naoki/Saki piece. I already get dissed by readers because of the style in which I write, and the pairings I favor.
I'm very pleased with the story, myself. It serves its purpose, certainly, and I think it's one of my better vignettes, in terms of cadence and manner. And I love sharing my stories. But I just don't want to deal with the potential backlash from that one.
So, the more that I think about it, the more I'm considering not posting at FF.Net any longer. At least, not posting those stories with a more adult slant to them. The problem is that all of my stories take an adult slant. Not always sexually speaking, but from the perspective of being an adult, dealing with adult issues, which includes adult fears, desires, and conundrums; "Breaking Point" (the sequel story to "1 More Chance!") has those in spades...!
Anyway, if you've read "Sink Into My Sin" (or any of my stuff) and you enjoyed it, I thank you for your support, and for giving my work a chance. Be on the lookout for more stories in the future.
20 January 2011
In the beginning....
I was feeling nostalgic the other day, while poking around in my archive files, and I came across the original 3K-word start to 1 More Chance!, back when it was just an idea for a romance story I was fooling around with, another throwaway one-shot of "just another something" to get me back into writing.
It was amusing to see the similarities that those few off-the-cuff pages had to the final product...but it was also very interesting to note the drastic changes that I'd made, by the time I'd plotted 1MC into a more large-scale tale. (Not "epic." My story is not "epic." Long, involved, hopefully resonant. But saying one's own story is "epic" is conceit beyond barriers.) It was really just a by-day exploration of how the characters had changed from being teenagers lost in a maze of relationships between each other...but there was so much between the lines that I had just glossed over...!
I sometimes wonder what would have become of my writing if I had just left that story as "2020 Visions" (because it was going to be set in 2020, nearly 10 years after the game; yes, I know it's a stupid title), and never written 1 More Chance! Maybe my tastes would have gone in a different direction. I doubt I would have gone back to Fanfiction.Net or deviantART for just a one-shot that, in hindsight, was sophomoric at best in its plot and characterization, and that might have been a shame. I've learned so much over the course of writing this story, and I'm excited to learn more: about my heritage, and looking at life from different perspectives, and getting into the heads of a few more characters.
I like to think that my interpretations of the characters have grown from what they were in the beginning, even of 1MC. Almost a year has passed for these individuals, after all, and some of them have changed dramatically over that time. I'm not sorry for what I did with any of them (well, except for maybe Kuma...Kuma will never be the same for me again, now...and the character has more changes coming!). But I do often wonder if I'm alone in my consideration of what happens after.
That said, I can't imagine anymore not caring so much about these characters and their lives, and their families' lives. That's one of the main reasons why I want to keep writing about them, even if it doesn't show up here or on one of the fandom sites. I just can't put my pen down from their stories.
I think I knew that even back when I first started scribbling out that 2020 story. But - just like my characters are sometimes guilty of the same thing - I didn't realize what I was getting into.
It was amusing to see the similarities that those few off-the-cuff pages had to the final product...but it was also very interesting to note the drastic changes that I'd made, by the time I'd plotted 1MC into a more large-scale tale. (Not "epic." My story is not "epic." Long, involved, hopefully resonant. But saying one's own story is "epic" is conceit beyond barriers.) It was really just a by-day exploration of how the characters had changed from being teenagers lost in a maze of relationships between each other...but there was so much between the lines that I had just glossed over...!
I sometimes wonder what would have become of my writing if I had just left that story as "2020 Visions" (because it was going to be set in 2020, nearly 10 years after the game; yes, I know it's a stupid title), and never written 1 More Chance! Maybe my tastes would have gone in a different direction. I doubt I would have gone back to Fanfiction.Net or deviantART for just a one-shot that, in hindsight, was sophomoric at best in its plot and characterization, and that might have been a shame. I've learned so much over the course of writing this story, and I'm excited to learn more: about my heritage, and looking at life from different perspectives, and getting into the heads of a few more characters.
I like to think that my interpretations of the characters have grown from what they were in the beginning, even of 1MC. Almost a year has passed for these individuals, after all, and some of them have changed dramatically over that time. I'm not sorry for what I did with any of them (well, except for maybe Kuma...Kuma will never be the same for me again, now...and the character has more changes coming!). But I do often wonder if I'm alone in my consideration of what happens after.
That said, I can't imagine anymore not caring so much about these characters and their lives, and their families' lives. That's one of the main reasons why I want to keep writing about them, even if it doesn't show up here or on one of the fandom sites. I just can't put my pen down from their stories.
I think I knew that even back when I first started scribbling out that 2020 story. But - just like my characters are sometimes guilty of the same thing - I didn't realize what I was getting into.
23 December 2010
The direction of this life
Just a quick(?) note to let any interested parties know that I'm really pleased with the direction that this chapter (61) has taken. It's a little bit slower than I had expected it to be when I first started planning what would happen in these final chapters, but my storytelling pace has never been quick: I like examining emotions and relationships in detail.
I think that this slightly slower day between the characters examines some very important affirmations, confirmations, and realizations that are necessary to the main protagonist's development.
Chie's story ("1 More Chance!" that is) is really about learning: about herself and the people around her, and about her relationships with all of them. Her family and friends, her best friends, her lover, and even the pseudo-child figure in her life - they're all responsible for her growth, which I think is important for where the character is going. She's not the same woman I was writing all the way back in Chapter 1...but I think that's a good thing.
Maybe I have changed these characters so much that they're virtually unrecognizable from the personalities that they represented in the game, but I like to think that that's what happens to all of us as we grow older, and change, and learn about ourselves.
I can only hope that you agree, and that you continue to enjoy the stories I've got left to tell.
:D
I think that this slightly slower day between the characters examines some very important affirmations, confirmations, and realizations that are necessary to the main protagonist's development.
Chie's story ("1 More Chance!" that is) is really about learning: about herself and the people around her, and about her relationships with all of them. Her family and friends, her best friends, her lover, and even the pseudo-child figure in her life - they're all responsible for her growth, which I think is important for where the character is going. She's not the same woman I was writing all the way back in Chapter 1...but I think that's a good thing.
Maybe I have changed these characters so much that they're virtually unrecognizable from the personalities that they represented in the game, but I like to think that that's what happens to all of us as we grow older, and change, and learn about ourselves.
I can only hope that you agree, and that you continue to enjoy the stories I've got left to tell.
:D
06 December 2010
I'm not going through -that- again!
Not that anybody really cares, but I've decided that the 8,000 words I'd written so far for the original Chapter 61 would be better served to take place after another day, so I've had to (temporarily) scrap the progress so far on the old Chapter 61, and instead push it to Chapter 62. Now, Chapter 61 is covering a slightly different topic than originally intended, but in much finer detail (it was initially just going to be a series of paragraphs telling the gist in flashback).
This development, of course, will push both the chapter and wordcount up, but I didn't want a repeat of the Chapter 50 situation once again.
If this story were just one story that I didn't really care about anymore, I would just finish the original draft of Chapter 61 and post it as-is. But I really like where this story has gone over the course of the two years(!) I've been working on it, and I want to write it the way that will make me most happy. It's a whole lot of denouement - I realize that, and I apologize for those of you who may find it boring - and resolution...but I think that it's good resolution. Especially in light of where the sequel stories are going, as currently plotted. (By the way, I'm still on the fence about where that story should go, if anywhere at all. Thoughts? Opinions? Would you just like to see "1 More Chance!" end, with no follow-up story at all? Or are you willing to sit through another friendship/drama/romance story about families and legacies?)
For those interested, I'm still updating the earlier chapters, as well...so it's not like I'm not doing any writing at all in the long breaks between chapters. (I'm up to Chapter 20, at this point.)
I may not have the most vocal readers, but I feel like I owe it to you loyal few who are still giving me the chance to tell my story the way I want to tell it, to let you know why there's been such a long stretch between updates.
This development, of course, will push both the chapter and wordcount up, but I didn't want a repeat of the Chapter 50 situation once again.
If this story were just one story that I didn't really care about anymore, I would just finish the original draft of Chapter 61 and post it as-is. But I really like where this story has gone over the course of the two years(!) I've been working on it, and I want to write it the way that will make me most happy. It's a whole lot of denouement - I realize that, and I apologize for those of you who may find it boring - and resolution...but I think that it's good resolution. Especially in light of where the sequel stories are going, as currently plotted. (By the way, I'm still on the fence about where that story should go, if anywhere at all. Thoughts? Opinions? Would you just like to see "1 More Chance!" end, with no follow-up story at all? Or are you willing to sit through another friendship/drama/romance story about families and legacies?)
For those interested, I'm still updating the earlier chapters, as well...so it's not like I'm not doing any writing at all in the long breaks between chapters. (I'm up to Chapter 20, at this point.)
I may not have the most vocal readers, but I feel like I owe it to you loyal few who are still giving me the chance to tell my story the way I want to tell it, to let you know why there's been such a long stretch between updates.
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