Preparation and Disbelief

Originally posted just to my NaNoWriMo progress LiveJournal 'blog, but the gist of this applies to all writing. Of late, I've seen authors on Fanfiction.Net who also claim to be simply writing as they go, and that...well...irks me.

Wait, wait, wait-! I know that the spirit of NaNoWriMo is about having fun with writing, not being overly concerned with perfected plot and editing...but are people really just writing as they go, with no plan whatsoever? Just because you can't start writing until November 1 does not mean that you can't be doing research, and character studies, and outlining your plot ideas in the meantime, before the starter's pistol goes off. That's what writers do, folks!

I realize that many of us are in this just for the sprinting feeling of getting those words on the page...but a story still has rules: it is not, contrary to what some might say, just a series of words strung together. There should be conflict, and character development and interaction, and a realized world. There should be a plot and a progression of events that satisfies said plot. There should be emotion (or, alternately, a lack of it, if that is your point). And growth. And a power in your words that will make those letters on the page actually mean something to somebody someday.

I am all for finding the gloriously glee in hitting a benchmark of words - that is a wonderfully fulfilling accomplishment that I know I've felt and hope other people experience, too. But don't mistake a wordcount for a story.

Your characters can lead your story, certainly; it is their story, after all. But you're the writer. You should at least have a general idea of where they're going to go, even if they do hijack you along the way.

Done...and yet not.

Chapter 65 - the final chapter of 1 More Chance! - is finished. Actually, it's been finished for a couple of days, now. But I just haven't had the heart to post it.

One reason for that is that this is the last project I've got simmering on the burners, that I want to finish before NaNoWriMo hits in a few short days and I concentrate my energies on that.

Another reason is that I've still got the deviantART chapter versions of the story to post, from Chapter 59 on.

But the main reason is that the story has been such a huge part of my life that I just don't want to see it end.

I did sometimes wonder if I would ever finish this story, even though the entire basic plot has been laid out since I started writing back in February of 2009. There were stumbles along the way, of course, but ultimately I'm glad that I picked myself up and pushed myself over the finish line.

Will my remaining readers feel satisfied with the ending/epilogue? I don't know. (Only they can know that.) I hope so, naturally...but ultimately, regardless of the reaction, I have to take pride and comfort in the knowledge that I told this story the way that I wanted to, and finished it to my own satisfaction.

Chapters 64 and 65 complete the Persona/Shadow Arc, the one where Chie is forced to really look at herself and face the fears and anxieties and doubts that she has about her life. While the longest Arc by far (it's easily twice the size of the other three Arcs combined), in some ways it feels the most satisfying. For Chie, of course, because up until Arc IV, she was simply going on the same way she'd always done, leading with her heart and her kicks and never really stopping to consider the effect she has on the people around her. But for me, as well.

Arc III (the Duel) will probably always be my favorite, because it's about two people exploring their love for and trust in each other under deadline (and that stuff was fun to write), but this last Arc has meant so much to me personally, both as a writer working toward an end goal...and as a person who got to see so much of myself in my heroes. And in this whole process, I learned a little bit about myself, too.

I'm thinking I'll probably wait at least another day before putting up Chapter 65. I just want to savor the joy of this story a little while longer, before I put it out there for anyone and everyone to see. This one's mine, after all.

If you're still reading, I hope you enjoy. And I hope you'll be willing to come back again, someday. For another read through 1 More Chance!...or for another story that I may yet tell.

Thank you! (The FF.Net Favorites List)

Updated as of 2011 October 21 - I've also added some stories for those authors whom I follow and favor, too! Make sure to check them out!

As "1 More Chance!" winds down to its last chapter, I'd like to take a brief moment to thank everyone who's supported this story by putting it on their list of Favorite Stories on Fanfiction.Net.

One reviewer once commented that I was weird for writing a thank you note to him/her just for adding my story to a Favorite or Alert list, but I think that every little bit of support - even if it's just clicking on a button at the bottom of a page - is worth my acknowledgment.

My story is not a particularly popular one (I've come to grips with that), and I've lost a lot of regular readers/reviewers over the year-plus that I've been writing and updating it. But for those FF.Net readers who have taken even just that little bit of time to click that "Add Story to Favorites" button at the bottom of the page (and not delete it), I wanted to thank you. That you're willing to add my story to your list of Favorites (some small, some large) at all means a lot to me. I don't add a story to my Favorites list unless I really enjoy it, and it warms my writer's soul to know that you enjoy - or at least have enjoyed - my story enough to add it to your own.

So, thank you to

Ainmosni ("Borderline of Madness" discontinued?)
Akashic Torment ("Chocolate Kisses")
angelronin
Anisarian
Arroba Dotcom
Ashlee Dixon
Azrael Eternum
azrael76
bokasaurus
bouncyballparty

Cerebrate ("Shades of Red" discontinued?)
clownKuma
CrimsonMoon667
Defend.Divine
Deidre-Chie
Delirante
eggmiester
Enigma infinite
FallenAngel4556
Faust Persona

Feral Snake
Flafty
Geonitz
Hikaru Yamamoto
HMFarmergirl19
howls1
ihaveaclevername
Isoroku22
jcgonzo
KeRose

kinetic-cataclysm
Kisdota-The Freak Gamer ("Persona 4: Split Personalities")
Kitsuko Sakurai
Kitty Kyinsky
Kuya-Toph
Lady Cheshire ("Distance and Spaces" and "Pressure Cooker")
leaflett
Leslie4207
Liber-T.E.A
Loo'd

magiciankunai
margasanada
MelliSeesYou
MFAS
Mikhail the Wanderer
Miki-san4u
Minnimoto
Minstrel of Ages
MoMo the Mesh Monster ("Love of Penguins" and "The Brightest Green")
moyabomb ("All He Sees is Red")

ocean of milk
OceanLeviathan
patleon909
PlatonicTeddys
Renteka-Bond
Rpgking7
sapphiremage1106
Shade the Raven ("Far From Home")
shootdown20
Slasher71

Snake King
Stanko-B
Story Hunter
syruku
Takakuma7
Tarathiel
typecastwriter45
vegi89
Viktor Mayrin ("Divergent Branch")
Von Karma Jr.

Wesieboy
Xernuht
Yamikochan
Zarclonia
Zephyr.Camida
zero-damage ("A Very Good Influence" and "The Shortest Distance from A to B")
Ziek Aramaik
!

If I missed you, please let me know - this is simply the list that I see in my author's links, and you deserve the mention for your support!

Updates

It's been a while since I updated this - sorry.

For those of you still following, the penultimate chapter of "1 More Chance!" - Chapter 64, "I Am Thou" - went up a few weeks ago. Feedback has been pretty good (if low in numbers)...but what's really important to me is that I've been able to get so far in this story, writing it my own way.

I've had some discussions with some reviewers about what is coming next, and I'm not certain.

I am very interested in participating in NaNoWriMo again this year, and I have already plotted out most of that story. Then there are the Doctor Who universe short stories (most notably the Songbirds Series), that I've been having a real blast writing. Both of these projects get very little attention, but that's okay; they are just as personal to me as "1 More Chance!" has been, but I already know that the reader/fan base for these stories is/will be small, so I never get hung up on hit statistics or wondering what I'm doing wrong, that very few people are giving me any kind of feedback.

I'm still interested in writing the two sequels to "1 More Chance!"...but I don't know when I'll get to those. Not until next year, likely. The apparent resurgence of interest and excitement about Persona 4 from the anime and upcoming games may change my mind, but I rather doubt it. As I told one kind and generous reviewer, I'm not that interested in telling stories about TV adventures or murder mysteries. My stories are about relationships between friends and lovers and families, and the general fandom just doesn't seem to respond well to that. I mean, you just have to look at how relatively under the radar "1 More Chance!" is, compared to other stories out there.

That being said, I have to thank whoever "Sour Jack" is, for recommending 1MC! over on TV Tropes. I've long wanted recognition for my story over there [don't ask me why; it's rather a stupid and pointless thing for which to yearn], and I was thrilled to see that it is finally listed as a recommended fanfic.

Geez, that sounds lame.

Anyway, I hope that those of you who continue to read the story are continuing to enjoy it, as well. I have to write for myself and my own desires, but it's always nice to know that others are having fun with it, too.

Jump Start

This Persona-Pairings theme week over at deviantART has really given me a kickstart, for some reason. I don’t get a lot of views/feedback for my contributions, but it has been good for my motivation. Whenever I get a comment that someone enjoys something I’ve written or (wow!) drawn, it just pushes me to keep going.

Right now, I’m working on a Naoto(!)-centric piece that I’m actually really enjoying! And Naoto is probably my least favorite of the team!

I’m not saying that this has rekindled my love for writing or for the fandom, because that hasn’t wavered, but actually hearing from people who read/look at my work again has really made me feel good about what I do, again.

...and that's not just because I get to draw naked boys 'n' girls. ;)

For those interested

In the Author's Notes of the most recent chapter (63, "Just Now"), I wanted to make a note that I did not want in any way to belittle the terrible loss and devastation caused by the March 11 earthquake and the tsunami that followed. I suppose that no one (or, at least, no one who took the time to comment) took offense at the developments in the chapter, but the concern was genuine.

There are many times that art imitates life, and I've been lucky enough that it's done so in very wonderful ways. But I didn't want my art to be seen as capitalizing on a part of life that was horrifying; I've had enough of that in my own existence. The crucial moment in the story - where Chie has to deal with a sudden and unexpected possibility of loss - has its roots in reality in my own life. And the repercussions of that moment - the fear and anger - were difficult to write, because I'd experienced those feelings, myself. So if anyone wants to take issue with what I wrote, and the way I wrote it, I'm happy to have a mature discussion about it.

The story is what it is, though, and it tells what I want it to tell, so don't expect that part of it to change. But if you, dear reader, would like to go into more detail about this or any other part of the story, feel free to speak up.

Breaking Point

I recently had a conversation that got me to think more critically about my writing.

I love telling the story of Chie and her friends. And even though "1 More Chance!" is quickly coming to an end, there is a much larger tale that I can tell about my oft-maligned trio of protagonists (that being Chie, Yousuke, and Kuma). But this recent conversation made me start to rethink that larger story.

Not the plot of it, or where the characters are going, or what's eventually going to happen to them, because all of that was decided a long, long time ago.

But if that particular story should even be.

Basically, I was told to get my ass out of the safety of the fan fiction game and return to the professional circuit, shopping around spec chapters and writing letters to agents and editors who can possibly get my name on the shelves for real. I admit the thought is tempting, and I think I'm a much better writer now than I was when I first swam in that pool, almost ten years ago.

But I would miss this story. I would miss these characters. I would miss all of the wonderful and terrible things I've thought up and stressed over and plotted over the last two years. I've never felt such a connection to these people as I have with any other characters, before. Maybe it's because so much of me is in them already. But I feel as though dropping them now - with their stories only half-told - would be a shame. Perhaps not to you (because who are you, anyway? I don't even know), but to me.

Then again, I've fallen in love with some of my original characters, too, and the tales they had to tell. Maybe those stories deserve a return look, another pass by the editor.

Maybe it's time for me to grow up, to leave Chie and Yousuke and the rest behind.

Maybe I just need to look at all of the charming stories I've yet to tell for them - the stories of love and happiness, the stories of pain and heartbreak, the stories of life and of death - and just...give them to someone else. Because when it comes down to the words on the page, who are these people, except for figments of my imagination? Beautiful and wonderful and terrifying figments, figments I've come to love writing and love sharing...but figments nevertheless.

There have always been other stories about this particular universe that are more easily accepted, more universally loved, more simply appreciated than mine. And maybe I should have seen that writing on the wall a long time ago, should have realized that all of those lost readers was a sign that my time is done.

I don't know.

I would have enjoyed writing Yousuke's story, though. I would have enjoyed writing Kuma's story, too. And, who knows? There might still be time for them, some day.

But I already knew that the stories I want to tell with these characters aren't what people are looking for. So maybe I'll get lucky, and I'll find an audience out there for my own characters, living in those same stories of family and love.

I hope so.