The direction of this life

Just a quick(?) note to let any interested parties know that I'm really pleased with the direction that this chapter (61) has taken. It's a little bit slower than I had expected it to be when I first started planning what would happen in these final chapters, but my storytelling pace has never been quick: I like examining emotions and relationships in detail.

I think that this slightly slower day between the characters examines some very important affirmations, confirmations, and realizations that are necessary to the main protagonist's development.

Chie's story ("1 More Chance!" that is) is really about learning: about herself and the people around her, and about her relationships with all of them. Her family and friends, her best friends, her lover, and even the pseudo-child figure in her life - they're all responsible for her growth, which I think is important for where the character is going. She's not the same woman I was writing all the way back in Chapter 1...but I think that's a good thing.

Maybe I have changed these characters so much that they're virtually unrecognizable from the personalities that they represented in the game, but I like to think that that's what happens to all of us as we grow older, and change, and learn about ourselves.

I can only hope that you agree, and that you continue to enjoy the stories I've got left to tell.

:D

I'm not going through -that- again!

Not that anybody really cares, but I've decided that the 8,000 words I'd written so far for the original Chapter 61 would be better served to take place after another day, so I've had to (temporarily) scrap the progress so far on the old Chapter 61, and instead push it to Chapter 62. Now, Chapter 61 is covering a slightly different topic than originally intended, but in much finer detail (it was initially just going to be a series of paragraphs telling the gist in flashback).

This development, of course, will push both the chapter and wordcount up, but I didn't want a repeat of the Chapter 50 situation once again.

If this story were just one story that I didn't really care about anymore, I would just finish the original draft of Chapter 61 and post it as-is. But I really like where this story has gone over the course of the two years(!) I've been working on it, and I want to write it the way that will make me most happy. It's a whole lot of denouement - I realize that, and I apologize for those of you who may find it boring - and resolution...but I think that it's good resolution. Especially in light of where the sequel stories are going, as currently plotted. (By the way, I'm still on the fence about where that story should go, if anywhere at all. Thoughts? Opinions? Would you just like to see "1 More Chance!" end, with no follow-up story at all? Or are you willing to sit through another friendship/drama/romance story about families and legacies?)

For those interested, I'm still updating the earlier chapters, as well...so it's not like I'm not doing any writing at all in the long breaks between chapters. (I'm up to Chapter 20, at this point.)

I may not have the most vocal readers, but I feel like I owe it to you loyal few who are still giving me the chance to tell my story the way I want to tell it, to let you know why there's been such a long stretch between updates.

More about rewrites

The rewrites/edits of "1 More Chance!" are now completed up to Chapter 14, "Past Transgressions." I just finished the rewrite for Chapter 15, "The Very Word," which will go up on Thursday (2010 Nov 11) or so.

If you're ever curious where I am in the current rewrites, you can always check my deviantArt gallery; the rewrites get posted in conjunction with the chapter updates at that site.

In some cases, the rewrites are just stylistic text choices. In the case of these latest two chapters mentioned above, though, there have been fairly significant dialogue changes and updates. One is a closer examination of Chie's past sexual escapades; the other is a more telling conversation with Yukiko about same. While this ups the wordcount quite a bit (about 1K words for each chapter), I do feel that it better presents the issues that I want to address within the plot...and why I feel that Yousuke is in a lot of ways the best choice for Chie, outside of a completely original character.

For old readers, there's no pressing reason why you'd need to read the rewritten chapters. Although, if you do choose to do so, I hope that you enjoy and appreciate the changes that have been made. :)

One is my name....

I always feel like a jerk when I comment on another person's story, and they use the English version "Yosuke" while I use the Japanese "Yousuke." I'm sorry, but I can't un-train myself to spell it that way. Right now, I had to go back three times and write it without the first "u".

As it states in the first chapter, and on every author's page/story intro page I've created for sharing "1 More Chance!", my story is taken from the Japanese version of the game. In that version, his name is spelled Hanamura Yousuke: 花村陽介. Even Kuma (Teddie) calls him Yo-suke ヨースケ, with a long "o" sound. If you play the Japanese version of the game, whenever Kuma calls him by name (which is a lot, especially when he's complaining about something), you will see "ヨースケ！" Or, sometimes, "ヨースケエエエエエエ！" when Kuma is being whiny. (I tried to hearken back to those moments a little bit in Chapter 54 ("In the Shadow of Destiny"), when Kuma calls to Yousuke for help.)

I know that Atlus USA translated his name as Yosuke. That's fine. To the average person's ear (and to the English-speaking person's ear especially), you don't really hear a difference. But Yosuke is not the same as Yousuke:
Write them out one at a time, and you get this:
Yosuke - よすけ　becomes 世介。
Yousuke - ようすけ　becomes 陽介。

On the series Star Trek: The Next Generation, the character of Data pronounced his name as "DAY-tuh". Doctor Pulaski attempts to call him "Deh-tuh", the other pronunciation of the word, data. When Data corrects her on the pronunciation, she asks him what difference it makes. Data the android replies, "One is my name, the other is not."

Okay, I know I'm starting to sound like a pompous ass about this, so let me be clear: I don't care that most people write his name as Yosuke; Atlus USA chose to translate his name that way, for whatever reason. That doesn't bother me. But I am not wrong when I write it as Yousuke.

So. Can't we just both be right in this case?

Reasonable delays

I know there's been a significant delay between Chapters 59 and 60 (the coming chapter), but for those of you following on Twitter, deviantArt, LiveJournal, or Fanfiction.Net, you'll notice that I have not been completely slacking off with my writing.

I recently took part in the deviantArt Persona-pairings week, to which I submitted two short vignettes: "Firebrand" focusing on Yukiko and Souji, and "I Can't" focusing on Kanji and Rise. Both of these stories - like "1000 Words" - have links to the main "1 More Chance!" story. For those readers with particularly sharp eyes, you'll notice a very significant link between the events in "Firebrand" and Chapter 21 ("Just Like Magic"). And while "I Can't" does not have any direct correlation to events presented in "1 More Chance!", it does paint a pretty close picture of how I imagine Kanji and Rise to have come together as more than just friends.

That said, I had to take a bit of a breather with Chapter 60 (tentatively titled "Futures Imperfect"), to do some more in-depth research into Shinto than I had anticipated. Luckily, I have personal experience on which to draw, but it's still taken me some time to get a few of the (admittedly minor) details incorporated into the story for realistic flow of events. This chapter in particular I feel should read relatively true to life, and it's taking me time to push through that. (Yes, I've taken some gross liberties already, notably with Chie's and Yousuke's roles, but I also wanted to open up the traditional ceremony so that the A Team - and the reader - can see and experience the wedding for themselves. Naoto gets a bit of an upgrade, too, but I figured her situation was warranted by her precise personality and love of order.)

I did already cut quite a bit from the chapter (the gleeful drunk scene; the Rise/Kuma explanation; a minor sex scene recap), but I want to present this day as faithfully as I can, given the circumstances of it being these particular characters getting married. There's already a lot of talking and a lot of set-up, but I feel like it's worth it to present the story that I want to tell. If you're not a fan of that slow-moving denouement, I apologize that you'll be bored (potentially), but I don't apologize for writing the story the way that I want to do it.

I still hope to have Chapter 60 ready for reading before the full 2-month mark since Chapter 59 went up (8/18/2010), but I do hope you understand the issues involved with the delay.

Thanks!

Moving day?

For those of you following my Twitter, my last 2 Tweets were:
"[bonusparts_fic] is thinking that maybe FF.net is not really the place for me anymore. Perhaps not for the sequel story, at any rate."
and
"I like to write about human relationships, family, all that stuff. Doesn't seem to be much interest in those topics over there."

The reason? Of late, I've been seeing a lot of "novelizations" (not really; they're more like adaptations) of either Persona 3, Persona 4, or Persona 3 PSP. The other popular story ideas seem to deal with the more adventurous and fantastic (darker?) themes of the games: Shadows, Midnight Channel/Dark Hour, death/murders, and kicking ass in "epic" tales.

That's all well and good (and if you like those kinds of stories, you should feel lucky that there are so many writers who are examining those aspects of the story right now)...but it's just not where I'm at in my stories. As I mentioned in my Tweets, I really like to write about people. Maybe that makes me a prosaic, semi-glorified artist of the mundane; I don't know. But I enjoy thinking about and writing about the issues that affect me and the people I know, and I try to reflect that in the conflicts of my characters.

I'd really like to be able to share the sequel story to "1 More Chance!" with readers, but I just don't know if Fanfiction.Net is the right place to do so. The main reason to post at FF.Net is for the valuable(?) feedback from readers. But if a story doesn't have the potential to get feedback (because it's veering off in another direction from the mainstream; I'd like to think it's not because the story sucks), then there isn't a lot of point to putting it on FF.Net; I could just as easily post it somewhere else, like on my personal site, or deviantArt, or LiveJournal. Of course, those sites don't have great feedback options, either, but at least I wouldn't look at the hit statistics and wonder if people are liking the story or not, and if not, why not.

Or maybe I need to rethink writing the sequel as a Persona 4 story at all, despite all of the planning and plotting I've done. (That would certainly make "1 More Chance!" feel more complete in my head, even with the epilogue.)

Or maybe I need to just write the story on my computer, and keep it only for myself there, where I won't stress about stupid stuff like feedback and hit statistics and who's updating more frequently than I am. (Yeah, I find myself doing that, and then I kick myself for taking so long to post updates, even when I know that's stupid because everyone works at his or her own pace.)

...Except that I like sharing stories. I don't post everything I've written to places like FF.Net or dA because I think some of my earlier writing is not up to snuff, and I don't feel like going back and editing it to a point of personal acceptance. But when I did share even those lesser stories, I liked that feeling of sharing. I liked making readers think, or smile, or just relive a little bit of what it felt like to read that comic, or watch that movie, or play that game. I want to share my vision of these characters with the fandom at large.

I don't know.

Maybe I'm wrong.

Maybe there is a place for great big, convoluted stories like the one I want to tell.

Maybe readers do appreciate a more mundane approach to a universe ordinarily populated with the anomalous and profane.

Maybe I should just stick with FF.Net because it's what I know best, and at least it gives me something of an outlet for my writing.

And maybe I'm just thinking too much about this on a Tuesday night.

We'll see.

All the Little People

One of the things that I love about writing is being able to look at and listen to family and friends, and incorporate some of their personalities into the characters that I create. Working in an established universe (such as fan fiction does) limits this to some degree, since the writer usually tries to adhere pretty closely to a character's original personality. There is some leeway here, of course, because every writer wants to make characters his or her own...and because many times the characters aren't quite as fleshed-out as writers would like them to be, which is the main spurring reason for many a fan fiction story. (This is relatively arguable depending on the fandom, but even some exhaustively-written universes, such as the Tolkien Lord of the Rings universe, can be open to some interpretation. I personally don't believe in radical changes to an established universe or character personalities - and I hope that shows through in my stories - but the very nature of fan fiction is to take the parts you like and leave off the parts you don't like and create your own story from there.)

Since writing original fiction for the last several years, I've taken to populating the edges of even my fan fiction environments with original characters. For the most part these are pretty minor characters, but I always find it fun and interesting to look at the people who surround me and build a new character from that. Usually, I take basic inspirations from names of family or friends, then build off of a very broad personality trait (demure, sassy, spoiled, reserved), and then branch off with that character's personality and motivations something that is - hopefully - believable.

There are so many minor characters in "1 More Chance!" that draw inspiration from the people I know in real life. Many of them really did start out as just names on a piece of paper, but over the course of the story have become their own individual entities. Here's a list of some of them:

Satonaka Kazunori and Ryoko (Chie's grandfather and deceased grandmother): Married couple and friends in Japan, who were very hospitable and welcoming the last time I was there.
Satonaka Hitoshi and Hiroko (Chie's father and mother): Named for my uncle and aunt, who still live in Japan. Not at all like Chie's parents, really, but I liked the alliteration of their names.
Satonaka Shoji (Chie's uncle): Named for my own uncle.
Hanamura Misato (Yousuke's next-eldest sister): A transfer student from Japan who lived with us when I was a teenager. I remember her as quiet and polite, much like Misato in the story.
The Taniguchis (flower stall owners): Friends of the family, who live in Kobe (which is one of the reasons why I chose that city for Kou's placement).
The Shimazawas (kissa-ten/coffee shoppe owners): Friends of the family, who live and run a music store(!) in Kyoto, my second hometown.
Ogiso Primary School and Izutsu Middle School (where Nanako and Kimiyo go to school; Chie works at both Izutsu and Yasogami High School): Two of our family names.
Minamiguchi-no-Futago (kids' line of clothes): The name means "The Minamiguchi Twins", and is so named in honor of my cousin, who just had twins this past summer!
Isa-san (Hanamuras' driver): Friend of the family, who for some reason always seems to get stuck driving us to the airport for our return flights to the States!
Ito Tomohiro (Chie's old sparring buddy): Named for another friend of the family, a contemporary of mine, with whom I sometimes got the feeling my parents were trying to set me up. :D

Still more names are derived from fictional sources, or from real people whom I don't necessarily know, but whose work I respect and enjoy:
Hanamura Hitomi (Yousuke's middle sister): One of the many online alter-egos, this one for the rhythm games Guitar Hero and Rock Band. Cowboy-hat-wearing guitarist, which is her main reason for being the way she is.
Hanamura Ryuhei (Yousuke's father): Named for director Kitamura Ryuhei, whose stylish action flicks have been a great source of inspiration for some of my crazier Mayonaka fight scenes.
Officer Kibuishi (Chie's coworker): Named for Kazu Kibuishi, comics artist and creator, whose books line many a shelf in my library.

The main characters draw inspiration from friends and family, too, though it tends to be more subtle, as they are largely amalgamations of many different people as well as facets of myself (which is why, I suppose, I take such joy in writing them).

A writer is not just writing words on a piece of paper, sentences that come out of a character's mouth. My characters feel like real people to me, because I see in them parts of people I know, and parts of myself. Hopefully, you see them as real people, too.

Rewrites

For those of you who've seen my Fanfiction.Net Author Profile page, you may notice how I mentioned that I've been rewriting/editing many of the "1 More Chance!" chapters. Some of these edits are pretty minor, such as fixing particular honorifics, reassigning dialogue, and making a few adjustments to the flow of the story. Others - such as the rewrite of Chapter 37 ("Agonies and Thrills") - have significant changes to the layout of the text itself.

My goal with these rewrites is to create a more complete and worthwhile story. Many of the chapters after Chapter 39 ("Let Go, Hold On") or so, I was writing pretty much on-the-fly, week-to-week. I'd write all day Thursday through Sunday or Monday (sometimes Tuesday), and then give a quick read-through/edit on Tuesday and early Wednesday, before posting the chapter. (Now you know why I suffered from burn-out.)

I think that a lot of chapters are okay and still stand up pretty well: they present the right issues and get the main points across well enough. But as a continuous work in progress, I also get the urge to go back, re-read, and (of course) re-write parts of it. That's one of the great things about this electronic medium, and about the nature of fan fiction. It never gets published, so it never sits on a shelf; it can change as its writer sees fit.

Some authors post rewrites as completely different stories, but it's my belief that that's what the editing function is for. You won't see a separate rewrite of "1 More Chance!" either at Fanfiction.Net or at BonusParts KINK, unless I ever decide to do a T-rated version. Aside from that, edits are just that: edits. I'm not deleting and uploading new chapters as replacements, so (perhaps unfortunately) old readers likely won't notice the changes, unless they have a great memory for a scene's text and happen to stumble upon the rewritten chapter on their own. New readers, of course, will come to the chapters fresh and - hopefully - find them an enjoyable (more enjoyable?) read for the changes made.

All of the myriad changes are too many to list, but if readers are interested, I can post some notes for those chapters where I've made more-than-incidental edits, to either prose, plot, or flow.

Souji, Kuma, and the Lament of Het-Supporters

Here's a comment that came in from regular reviewer Kisdota-The Freak Gamer, regarding Chapter 59 ("A Little Night Music"); I thought I'd share part of my reply. Some spoilers through Chapter 59, so if you want to read, you'll have to highlight below.

Q:...It's nice to read a chapter that doesn't have Souji being a total douche.

Pairing up everyone like that was good, I know that there's some people who like the idea of Rise with Teddie, I know she's a chick and that's not what you implied but I know you'll do good with alot [sic] of the straight couple fans, which is possibly a small portion of your readers....

A: Well, Souji kind of had to be a douche for a while there - hubris is his sin - in order for him to grow into the person that you're starting to see in this chapter. He still plays a large mentor/leader role for the characters coming up, but it's a position that he moves into more organically after facing his Shadow, rather than the others just falling into place behind him for sake of ease. I like writing this Souji, who's become a product of the people around him, equally influenced by their perspectives and experiences as they are by him. Hopefully, that comes out clearly in this chapter.

I didn't intentionally put the characters into pairs, actually. It just sort of happened. Rise and Kuma's bond of friendship becomes important to Kuma's development later on, as the story moves forward (though not for a while yet; I still have to get through the first sequel). There's no intended implication that Rise and Kuma are acting as a couple, here; I tried to convey that with the farewells at the train station. Rise's really more a mentor to her, than anything else. And Yousuke's reluctance to let Kuma grow up should be taken as just how childlike she still is.

You're right that I do often feel in the minority supporting a heterosexual couple(s) in my timeline. I don't have a problem with the slash stories, I just don't see most of the friendships and relationships working out that way. Even Kanji, Naoto, and Rise - none of whom have a problem with homosexuality - fall into a category of their own rather than being one way or the other.
- - -

There's really not a question here, but I find it interesting when readers decide to focus on an aspect of a character (like Souji), who I've tried to move into a growth position based on what has occurred to him over the course of the story. I realize that what I did through the chapters of the final arc/Part IV ("I'll Face Myself") rubbed some readers the wrong way, but in all honesty it was in many ways it was just as much about how Chie and her friends reacted to the situation as it was about what was going on with Souji.

Then there's the subject of Kuma.

I'm plotting the sequel story now (both of them, as I've considered my timeline to work best as a trilogy in order to touch on the three important characters whose voices I know best), and I cannot for the life of me see my Kuma/Kumada-chan as anything other than a girl. My original plan for Kuma oh-so long ago was for her/him to be something completely different at the outset. Kuma will still get to step into that role (as things are currently plotted, of course - we all know how that can change!), but I don't think that my alternate universe of Persona 4 will ever be quite the same for changing Kuma's gender to a female. I love her so much that way, though, that I just can't stomach changing her back to a boy, as much as others might want me to stay true to what the canon story is about.

And then there's the issue of the sexuality. The sequel story investigates the characters' sexuality a bit more, since the characters by that time will be around 25, more established in their lives, and less - shall we say - purely experimental. I'm looking forward to tackling those kinds of issues, especially as they relate to young adults and what they think is "proper", "right", "acceptable", and even just plain "me."

I'm still collecting feedback on the latest chapter, and I'm always interested to hear what readers think. Not as much for Chapter 59 yet, but it's got to be more about my feelings, right?

Christmas has come early!

I just finished the (hopefully) final read-through and edit of Chapter 59 ("A Little Night Music"), to be posted tomorrow. This one took me almost as long to work through as Chapter 57 ("Nightmare"), with everything that needed to be written, moved, edited, cut, and reworked, from first draft to final. But I'm pretty pleased with it, regardless of what reviewers might come back and say.

First of all, the chronological setting of the story is no haphazard choice. Christmas in Japan is all about romance (unlike the Western traditions), so I've used that setting to broach the last big subject in the story. There's not much that I haven't planned in this monster, right down to what needs to happen on what day. I hope that readers don't gloss over those details...but if they do but still enjoy the story regardless, that's what matters, I suppose.

There's an awful lot of talking in Chapter 59, but as I mention in the Author's Notes (and in the previous blog entry), the conversations are necessary to the progression of the relationships and the story as a whole. It helps that a couple of those conversations are almost verbatim actual experience, but I've used a lot of my own personal life as fodder for this story already, and I feel like I've put so much of myself into Chie as a character, that I couldn't quite resist shuffling some of my life into this latest chapter.

There's also quite a bit of sex in 59, but that, too, is necessary to the plot, at least in its function. I really wanted to address the changes that have occurred between the characters at a sexual level, based on the events of the preceding chapters. These are two people - specifically lovers - who are growing as a couple just as much as they're growing as individuals, and that's important to their intimacy and the way that they relate, both emotionally and sexually.

The talking and the sex in this chapter also leads up to the next logical progression of the relationship, and not just because it's instigated by a circle of friends. Into this, too, I've tried to inject some realism, and some honest feelings. It's crazy and confusing and nerve-wracking for Chie just like it is for a lot of adults. But hopefully I've managed to create some personal humor about it all, too.

You may agree or disagree. I'd like to hear your answers, though, when you get around to reading the latest chapter. :)

I'm not dead.

I honestly don't know why I give such a deep shit about this story and making it work, when there are other stories out there that obviously don't even have a Beta reader for their SUMMARIES, yet still get all kinds of praise for 'em. (Yes, I know I'm being petty about the review thing, but it still manages to irk me.)

That said, I'm deep in editing of Chapter 59 at the moment, and I am liking it much better with this latest pass. It flows better than it had been doing, and I'm having a lot of fun with the character interactions. It's almost like, after all of the crap that went down for the characters in the last couple of chapters, they're a completely new set of people for me to write. Well, one of them is, anyway. Maybe two. But also hella fun.

There's a lot of talking, though, but it's talking that really has to happen for the story to work. And, yes, the talking needs to happen now. No good if it comes later, or if it doesn't come up at all. That's just a recipe for disaster, in relationship terms.

I've been taking a lot of time with this, I know, but I'm working on other things at the same time (not to mention gearing up for the new semester, which always kind of makes life hectic in my tiny corner of 97-degree Perdition that I like to refer to Higher Education). A part of me wants to just finish this story and get cracking on What's Up Next...but another part of me doesn't want to let it go.

Oh, well. At least I'm still writing, right? And writing this thing more for me, now, than anyone else, since most everybody has moved on.

But I still love it. ♥

Art in all its forms

My art skills are woefully lacking. I did try to go back to drawing a while ago, and I was starting to freshen up my penciling skills, but then I took another long hiatus to concentrate more on my writing, and now I'm for shit again when it comes to my sketchbook.

BUT!

I've been thinking recently of putting together some drawings of the characters from "1 More Chance!" in a couple of their different incarnations. I really want to draw some Kuma, as well as the original characters that show up enough that it might be interesting for readers to see how I envision them (Kazunori, the three Hanamura shimai, Hitoshi and Hiroko). I also thought about trying to draw some of the canon characters, though they're a bit harder to pull off properly (and we all know how easily fans are offended if you paint just a few hairs out of place). My usual style trends away from super-cartoony/manga to more realistic (meaning, no huge bishoujo eyes or anything like that), but still pretty simple. (My deviantArt account has some examples, for anyone interested.)

Drawing isn't something I do particularly well - I think I'm a far better writer than visual artist - but this could also be what I need to get excited about art again. I crapped out on my drawings of the characters for my last story ("Sixes and Sevens"), but this one is interesting enough that it might be worthwhile. And, much like writing, if I don't draw what I want to see, then I'll probably never see it.

I'm in a bit of a funk with the writing, at the moment. I'm still chugging away at Chapter 59, and I'm pleased with what I have so far, but I kind of wish that some of my older readers/reviewers would come back. It's been a bit lonely without hearing from them for so long. (Of course, they may have just decided to drop the story for whatever reason, but I suppose that's just the way it goes, and there isn't much for me to do about that.)

Back to typing for now. We'll see if anything comes of the drawing angle.

Me and the music

Some writers listen to music for inspiration, when they're plotting or writing. I used to write in silence, but ever since I started writing more on my computer than in my notebooks, I've worked with a soundtrack.

It started in 2007, I think, when I was working on my story for National Novel Writing Month. Since I had to meet a quota of ~1700 words per day in order to reach the 50K-words-in-30-days goal, I needed motivation to keep going, and inspiration to help me focus. That story took place in London, circa 1997, so I populated a playlist with music from and inspired by that era. Yes, I popped some other great Britpop and Britrock in there, because my protagonist was a bit more of a classical rock and punk fan than his girlfriend, but the playlist started out as a slice of 1997.

For a story as long and involved as "1 More Chance!" - with romantic, dramatic, sexy, exciting, and just plain happy scenes - I have several playlists that I go back to.

The most obvious one is the Persona 4 soundtrack, of course. I use that when I'm on my commute, since I usually take that time to work out plot and conversations and events in my head. It's like a moving brainstorming session. I use the Drama CDs for the same purpose, though that's usually to get in the right frame of mind to write everyone's voices properly.

The easygoing, friendship pieces are probably the easiest to write, so I generally just stick in whatever music strikes my fancy at the moment. Usually, that's something upbeat, fast, or rocky/poppy, like Hamasaki Ayumi (especially if I'm writing something fun with Rise, as I really modeled her singing style after Ms. Hamasaki), Kanno Youko's Cowboy Bebop or Macross PLUS soundtracks, or The Killers (wow, that's random).

The fight scenes, which came later in the story, were a bit trickier. I built a specific playlist for those, with predominantly videogame soundtrack pieces to keep my brain pumping and to channel those swelling moments when a fight turns. The Final Fantasy soundtracks play a big part in this playlist, since I've got so many battle themes from which to choose. (Haha!)

When it comes to the romance and sex, though, it's nearly SCLL or Matryoshka all the way. The dreamy, flowy, melodic quality of both of these bands just lends itself to writing about those tender moments between two people. In fact, I told friends on my Last.fm page that if they see me playing lots of SCLL, that probably means I'm writing fluff-smut. :D

Drama usually requires some heavy prog-rock, and Coheed and Cambria gets put into heavy rotation for that one. Actually, a lot of Coheed's songs relate eerily closely to characters and events in Persona 4, as well as in my story. (If you're a Coheed fan and you don't know what I'm talking about, message me and I'll share my views, but it's too long to go into, here, as just a tangent.) Plus, the music is just my kind of thing. Perhaps not yours, of course, but at least I'm not telling you, "Listen to this track while you read this chapter." I'll listen to what I like, thanks. ;)

The one problem I've found with writing to music is that I sometimes rely too much on the ambience of the music for a scene. So I have to concentrate during editing without music, to make certain that the scene flows properly without the music. Because, as I said, I can't control what the reader is hearing when they're reading my story. This isn't the cinema.

I'm pulling together the end of Chapter 58 right now, and hopefully can have it ready to go by Wednesday. The story is getting decent hits so far this month already, but of course, nobody's saying anything. You don't have to leave reviews or send messages, of course, but if you've never done so, I urge you to let your favorite authors know that you're enjoying their story. If it's me, that's great; if it's not me, then at least make somebody else's day. Even if it's just to say, "Nice job!" That kind of support really means a lot to us.

Thank you - Q&A followers/commenters!

I originally started this blog to post my thoughts on some of the questions that came up in reviews of "1 More Chance!" As it turned out, most folks didn't really have questions, per se, but it's been fun and enlightening to post here as I've gone through the story, writing and rewriting and figuring out what worked best (and what didn't, too).

I've got to take a brief moment and thank my two followers/commenters:
ViktorMayrin and JS Dulude
These two readers are the only ones to ever comment on, well, any of the posts here, and it's been very interesting (and often very inspiring) to read their thoughts. Sometimes, their feedback was just what I needed to get motivated again and put my head down and power through to the end of the chapter.

I don't know if anyone else reads this, but these two supporters deserve some extra thanks from me for reading, following, and taking the time to comment. :)

Delays, delays....

I keep hearing Marvin the Martian's voice as I read that title....

Yes, I know it's been much longer than it probably should be between chapter updates. And I'm not going to make excuses for myself, because I know that I've been spending less time on the draft than I should be, or than I used to.

I've lost some of my (favorite) long-time readers/reviewers, though, and it does sting a bit to know that they're no longer interested in the story. So, I've been doing my best to really write this to my greatest satisfaction...because, being the author, I'm really the only one who feels strongly enough about this story to want to keep going.

That said, I've been writing and re-writing Chapters 58, 59, and 60 in my notes and in my head and on the virtual page, trying to get the end of the story to come out neatly and the way that I want it to. (There's nothing worse than reading a story where the author obviously didn't think very long about where the plot was going to go!) I'm trying to move away from the really heavy drama/angsty stuff, but with the developments that occurred at the end of Chapter 57, "Nightmare", it's difficult not to have at least a little bit of deep soul-searching. So, just as a warning to those of you still interested, there will be some of that heaviness in Chapter 58. But hopefully you'll find that the rest of the chapter works itself out.

Or maybe not...I guess we'll have to wait and see.

I haven't given up, though. I want to have the next chapter up this week, but we'll just have to see how it goes.

In the meantime, if it's not done by Wednesday, do you want to see it before the following Wednesday? Or, would you rather I stick to the particular-day-of-the-week posting?

Let me know! :D

The Kage

I've been waiting to write the characters' Kage/影/Shadow forms for a long time, now...probably since all the way back in Chapter 19 ("A Dream of You")...which, interestingly enough, I recall working on just about a year ago to this week.

I did not go into detail with the updated Kage as represented in Chapter 57 ("Nightmare"), because I didn't want to just spell everything out for the reader. I gave descriptions, yes, but I think that the Kage should stand on their own, to be interpreted as the reader sees fit. I feel that I've given enough background into each of the characters, that the reader can (hopefully) pretty accurately extrapolate what's going on with each of them, as I've envisioned them to be. There are a couple for whom I've come right out and said what they represent (because I needed that conversation to take place at that time in the plot, and I wanted two of the characters to have a nice little personal moment between them), but the main Kage are left to be interpreted by Chie's bias.

And Chie definitely has a bias, as I have said many, many times before. But we'll get into that in the next chapter....

That said, I loved dropping little hints about the Kage throughout the earlier chapters, and imagining the way that they would all look, and how they would all act. Chie's and Yousuke's are very important to the story, of course, because of their progression (and regression) as a cooperative and co-dependent couple...but I think I enjoyed creating Naoto's Kage the most. There's just something about her image that I find so darn entertaining and amusing. Kanji's was perhaps the most difficult to envision properly, because ultimately I find him the least flawed of the team, in my story. (And here I have to admit that the idea for Maou's giant sword came quite late in the design. Back when the Kage were going to take a much more active role in the final conflict, I had wanted them to closely resemble their associative Personas, and so Rokuten Maou had to have a big old sword - just like Yamatotakeru has a katana. I was going to give Maou just a regular broadsword, but then I saw the movie 9, and I adored the look of 8's shears-sword. So, I stole that little detail from the movie. But I think it fits with Kanji/Maou, don't you?)

So, no question again. But I figured that, while I write through these last chapters, you might enjoy a little more insight into one of the latest chapters, and how I came to those characters.

Remember, if you have questions about "1 More Chance!" - or any of my stories - please feel free to leave a review, or send me a Direct Message/Email. Otherwise, this blog will just get filled up with commentary like this one.

Q: Why Megami Tensei instead of Persona Series?

Sort of a boring question this week, but one worth answering:
Q: Why is this story in the "Megami Tensei" section and not the "Persona Series" section (or both)?

A: Because of carelessness and rules.

First, some background:

When I first got the idea of writing this story, I decided to return to Fanfiction.Net after a several year hiatus. I had always enjoyed the opportunity of getting feedback for a story that FF.Net provides (since no one ever sends me direct messages about stories on my personal site), but it had been years since I'd written anything fandom-related that was worth what I considered the adolescent nonsense of dealing with the site.

I had pulled up stakes from FF.Net because a series of my stories had been deleted for no expressed reason. I believe it may have been because I had labeled a couple of different (complete) stories as parts of a timeline, and someone had misjudged them as being one large story, rather than arcs in an overarching timeframe. (Sort of like seasons in a television series. Each one complete but relating to each other chronologically and event-wise.)

Deciding to take my ball and go home, I left FF.Net for several years...only to return when writing within fandom once again appealed to me. The best place (of which I knew) to "publish" the story was FF.Net. I thought I could get some feedback, and I knew that it would be seen by more than a handful of family and friends...most of whom really don't care about my writing, anyway.

Searching through the list of fandoms, I first stumbled upon the Megami Tensei section, and I recognized it as representing the SMT: Persona 4 game fandom. So, I put the first chapter of "1 More Chance!" there.

I just didn't scroll down far enough through the titles to look for the Persona Series section. So, it was just carelessness/laziness on my part.

I've thought over time of switching the story to the Persona Series section, but I get a little concerned that readers who have been following the story will miss it if it jumps sections. Plus, the Persona Series section gets updated with new stories much more quickly, which means that my story would not remain on the front page for very long. That problem doesn't seem to happen in the Megami Tensei section.

And, I won't post a duplicate instance of the same story within two different sections, because that's against the rules of the site. Other writers do it, and that's their decision, but I won't. Maybe it's my Type A personality at work, following the letter of the law, but rules are rules, and I don't think that it's costing me any more readers than having the M Rating does.

I may decide to switch sections for the story once it's finished, as I'll need to figure out where the remaining stories are going to go, and I don't want to run into this conundrum again. But that's a Rubicon for later.

Q: Showing, or Telling?

Another Question from the (not-so-)humble author this week:
Am I showing enough, or am I just telling?

I do try to show more than I tell, because - to be perfectly frank - telling the reader everything outright is both sloppy and lazy writing. Readers should be able to reach conclusions on their own, not be hand-fed (or force-fed) the subtleties of a plot or relationship or characterization...especially through dialogue. It's weak, and it's boring.

Of course, now I'm going to contradict myself, not ten words later, and make exceptions. Because there are certain parts of the story, by its very nature of being told from one character's point of view, that have to be told to the reader. For example:
- Yukiko's decision(s) about marriage;
- Souji's retelling of the falling-out between him and Yousuke;
- Kuma's revelations about what happened to her during the first Mayonaka run.
These are all moments that have to be relayed to Chie by another character, since Chie did not experience these scenes and their associated emotions firsthand. There are also smaller examples scattered throughout the story, but these should give you an idea of what I mean by "telling" the reader, instead of "showing" the reader.

Nonetheless, I am trying not to relate within massive chunks of dialogue pivotal pieces of the plot and developments. I get to be in Chie's head all of the time, but (as I've mentioned in earlier posts), she is not the most observant or deductive of people. However, I often get the feeling that I'm being too subtle with what's going on in the story and between the characters, and I wonder if that's throwing some people off-track from the main plot.

As an example, I was loathe to leave in the conversation about the nature of Souji's issues in Chapter 56...but I thought that if I didn't have that dialogue between the characters, some readers might be completely lost as to what the heck is going on. (It's the conversation that starts with Kuma saying, "We all have Shadows, kuma," and then goes on to each of the characters present making logic leaps - as these Persona Scoobies are wont to do - regarding Souji.) The conversation felt somewhat over-explanatory to me, but I also felt like I had to put it in there because I'm...I don't know...catering to the least common denominator, I guess.

I admittedly went a little overboard with the first half of Chapter 52 ("Thrall"), but that was simply self-indulgence on my part to write such an in-Chie's-head sex scene. I hadn't written one of those in a long time ("Mountain Men" maybe?), and I wanted to foreshadow (no pun intended) some of what was to come in Chapter 56 and 57, regarding the Shadows.

I'm going to try very hard to show more and not tell as much in the remaining chapters, but there are some parts that just need to be told to the reader. Partly for plot reasons - because there are some realizations that the characters can make only when they're together - and partly because, well, I'm not that skilled a writer to describe the point any other way.

But I will continue to try not to just drop you a bunch of text that explains everything for you...and I'll certainly try not to give it to you in dialogue. I have to tell a story that everyone should be able to understand...but I want to be fair to my more intelligent and observant readers, too. :)

Answer: Anyone got a different one?

Q: Why is Souji always the jerk?

Here's a question that came up after Ch56 ("Where Shadows Dwell") went to update, and that I had to comment on, because it seems to be a fairly common complaint with my readers, especially after the last couple of chapters.

Q: Regular reviewer Kisdota The Freak Gamer asks: "Why is it that Souji's always gotta be the jerk in this fic?"

A: That's a loaded question, and it deserves some thoughtful response. So, the following is taken from my direct message response to Kisdota The Freak Gamer's review:

Your opinion is certainly your own, but I hesitate to say that Souji is *always* the jerk. Remember that everything that does not expressly come from his mouth is tinged with Chie's personal biases, including the (over-)protective feelings she has for Yukiko and Yousuke. Souji is the guy who broke both their hearts, and even though that was through no fault of his own (remember what he says in Ch44, "Rude Awakening": “It wasn't my decision...Do you really think I wanted to leave you?”), Chie's feelings of guardianship tend to outweigh her rationality.

[Blog addition: As an example of how Chie's protective feelings can be irrational, go back to Ch20, "The Sharp Eyes of Jealousy", and read the conversation with Chie and Yousuke at the end. In it, there's a paragraph that talks about how she'd like to smash Konishi Saki's face in, just for having broken Yousuke's heart as a teenager, six years prior. If that's not indicative of how irrationally over-protective she can be with her friends and loved ones, I don't know what is.]

And I've tried to portray Souji as a good guy, barring a couple of a missteps...which everyone makes. Yeah, he has a little blow-up with Kuma in Ch44 (which honestly anyone would have done with a clingy girl hanging on their arm when they're trying to have a serious conversation with their would-be girlfriend)...but he also tries very hard to re-establish his bonds with his friends (starting in Ch38, "Two Steps Forward...", when he almost starts to apologize to Yousuke; and in Ch39, "Let Go, Hold On", where he has the falling-out "reveal" conversation with Chie - this is very important). Plus, he goes out of his way to offer his guidance and support (e.g., his "maturity" conversation with Yousuke in Ch42, "Farewell, My Youth").

If your jerkiness comment is referring most directly to the rather sour conversation with Chie and Yukiko about the wedding in Ch55 ("Broken Bonds"), go back and read carefully what Yukiko says during that conversation (“Of course! We agreed to this yesterday, remember?” and “I don't know what's gotten into him. He's never been so concerned with tradition before...!”) - both of these comments are meant to be hints as to what's happening to Souji. Souji's formal language throughout most of these 'off' moments of his character - beginning notably in Ch49 ("Enchantment") and continuing through subsequent chapters - is also meant to be a hint.

Don't mean to belabor this point, but I did want to let you know that all of these missteps are not meant to paint Souji as a bad guy or a jerk...just as human, and someone capable of having a Shadow. And keep in mind, too, that it is his Shadow speaking and acting throughout Ch56. As Kanji intimates, everybody's Shadow was a jerk. So I consider that jerkiness keeping "in character" for a Shadow. :)
...
Souji's only human, and that's how I've chosen to portray him. At his core, he's a good guy, and he's their friend. That's why they're there to save him.

And that response is the honest truth. I sincerely am not trying to make Souji always be the jerk in this story. (And I honestly don't think that he is, but that's just me.) I am trying to make him very, very human, yes: someone capable of having fits of anger and sadness and feelings of being left out.

If you think that my portrayal of Souji is too much as an antagonist, let me know, and that's something I can possibly work on when I edit this monster. But I do remind readers (again) that the story is told from Chie's point of view, and she's certainly not the most rational or objective person around.

Q: What's with the length?!

No one asked this question (yet), but I feel compelled to bring up some of the issues that affect the way that I write, so:

Q: Why is this story so long? Why does it take so long to get to the conflict(s) and resolution(s)?

A: I love words. :)

Actually, the expanded reasoning for the length is that I don't think that very personal issues - like the ones that I'm trying to present in this story - can be solved in a single day (or a chapter, in the case of this story).

For example, one of Chie's principal internal conflicts is that she has a tendency to see things in black and white. There's a definite separation of what is "strong" and what is "feminine" in her mind. She's (very) slowly learning that this doesn't have to be the case, but someone with her very straightforward disposition often needs a kick in the head to really understand the point. It's essentially the same issue that first created her Shadow in the game. (At least, that's how I'm interpreting it.) Yousuke's issue is slightly different: he doesn't want to grow up, but external pressures are forcing him to do so. Both of these characters are coming to terms with the flaws and shortcomings they see in themselves - and in each other - over the course of the story. That kind of soul-searching takes time.

Readers should also keep in mind that, while the story's been "in production" for over a year, for the characters it's only been about seven months since what happened in Chapter 1.

Another issue about the length of the story is that I just enjoy writing the way that the characters interact, my main protagonists most of all. One reviewer said that there was "too much" Chie/Yousuke stuff, and that I wasn't devoting enough time and space to the supporting cast. My reply was that the story is about Chie and her relationships with other people, most notably Yousuke, and that's why they get so much screen time. And (as I mentioned in an earlier post), everyone tends to think that the world revolves around themselves; the story, told as it is from Chie's point of view, necessarily focuses on how she feels, what she does, the moments affecting her life. If I jumped around to other characters' perspectives, I think the story would lose a lot of its subtlety and insight into Chie's character as I've envisioned her. I'm trying to get readers to learn along with Chie, not just be told right out what's happening. She's not a mind reader, and neither should the reader be.

Plus, jumping around to other perspectives would make the wordcount astronomical. :)

That said, there's quite a bit of stuff that I could edit out, but just plain don't want to. Of course, this is author conceit, because - as I said - I love words. But pulling out what I sometimes consider extraneous moments would probably take away from the little character moments that I enjoy so much.

Taking the latest chapter (Chapter 56, "Where Shadows Dwell") as an example, there are several bit moments that I could have left off the page, but I simply enjoyed them too much not to include them:

* the "Who's gonna be leader?" argument;
* a huge chunk of the phone conversation with Naoto and Rise;
* the sleepover at the Tatsumis';
* Rise's phone conversation with Chie;
* Kanji's modifications to Kuma;
* the incongruity of a sexual moment before a battle;
* the kokoro gamae sake ritual;
* and that beating-over-the-head explanation of Souji's Shadow.

The chapter would likely work just as well without any of these, but I felt that they gave a bit more insight into the interrelationships that have developed over the story. (I did, by the way, take out each of these moments - in various stagees of editing - to see how the chapter flowed without them...but put them back in because I'm such a word-hound.)

That said, there likely won't be another chapter as massive as Chapter 56 was. :)

I thank everyone who enjoys the story and the way that I tell it. And for those who don't, well, you didn't have to click on the link in the first place. ;)

Separation Anxiety

Q: Is the new (not-weekly) schedule working?

A: I have mixed feelings about it.

First, updating weekly for an entire year (52 weeks) felt like it was a great accomplishment for me. There was only one time that I stumbled, and I think that the story turned out better because I went back and took the time to correct the error. But other than that, I updated weekly for a solid 52 weeks. I think that's pretty good, for a story that was only supposed to be about a mutual awakening of sexual and emotional attraction between two characters. (Actually, the plot originally was going to be what amounts to a one-shot, based around Chapters 9-13.)

Second, I really needed a break after what happened with Chapter 50. I got a little bit burnt out over that one, and I think the readers could tell. Looking back on some of the earlier chapters, I can see where I rushed...but I was still willing to go the distance with weekly updates. And I'm glad that I did.

But now I'm ready to take it a little bit easier.

The story has entered its penultimate conflict at this point - an external one, but still necessary to the advancement of the characters' relationships as I've plotted them.

And it's not an easy moment to write.

I've planned this confrontation since I was less than halfway through the story as it currently stands, and knowing that the story is coming to an end has put some subconscious brakes on my progress. I still love writing these characters and these moments, but I can tell that I'm backpedaling and treading water because I just don't want the story to end.

It sounds selfish and conceited, certainly (I admit that)...but it's also the longest, largest, most convoluted thing I've ever written, and that's including a thesis. I'm so in love with Chie and Yousuke and Kuma and all of the others that I just don't want to let them go. I don't want to end the story in a half-dozen chapters. I don't want to see this crazy ride come to a stop. And I think that's what really prompted me to take a more relaxed schedule for my updates, this close to the end.

I feel bad for those readers who have stuck by the story for so long and came to enjoy (I hope) seeing new chapters from me every week. But I've got to do this for myself as much as for the readers. And I want to make this one last, like a smooth, cold beer. Or a tender, juicy steak, which may be more appropriate, given the tastes of my protagonist.

Yes, there are other stories to write, even in this same somewhat-alternate universe I've fashioned for my personal Persona 4 timeline. There's "1000 Words", and "Fireflies and Snow", and even "Breaking Point" - which, if all goes according to plan, will be ready to go not too long after 1 More Chance! comes to a close in 5-6 chapters.

I'm not alone in my enjoyment of the pairings I've presented (though it sometimes feels that way), but I want to have one of the better stories out there about them. So please don't take offense that I'm taking my time with this. I just want it to last.

Q: WTF is up with Souji?!

WARNING! Spoilers through Chapter 55 ("Broken Bonds")!
If you have not read Chapter 55, please do not read this update!

If you do want to read, roll over the following text.

Q: The common question this week (already; I just posted the new chapter on Wednesday) seems to be:
Why the hell is Souji acting this way?!

A: All will be revealed, most of it next chapter.

In somewhat more detail, I've been dropping hints that there was something not-quite-right with Souji since Chapter 46 ("Bushi no Kokoro"). Actually, I've been hinting at his issues since his physical introduction in this story, but readers would have had to have been reading REALLY closely to notice it, so I consider that the source of this conflict first came up in Chapter 46.

Everyone has their own personal demons (or, in this case, gods) with which they've got to contend. (And that's a hint for you.) In my story, a Persona represents a higher ideal of what a person can become. When you face your Shadow and you accept yourself, you open yourself to your Persona. When you face the truest part of yourself, your Persona evolves - just as you evolve - toward the greater ideal of your creation. For seventeen-year-old Chie, that was Suzuka Gongen, a fierce and fearsome demoness of cunning and strength.

But not everyone in the Investigation Team took these steps during the year of the Midnight Channel. One of them got to skip all of that just by signing a contract. (That's hint number two.)

Now, the contract is fulfilled; Souji says as much in Chapter 46. The Compendium of Personas is closed; he doesn't have access to it anymore. (He tells the others this outright, too.) But he's still got his own Persona, right? I mean, that can't be taken away from a person; it's part of who he is. (And there's hint number three, and the rest will have to wait until Chapter 56.)

I had been afraid that I'd been beating readers over the head with all of the hints that I've been dropping for the last several chapters, but maybe I was wrong. Maybe I've been too subtle about this whole thing. Not that it really matters, of course, since most of the details regarding this will be revealed in Chapter 56, which at this rate should be in a little less than two weeks.


I hope I haven't given away too much of what's going on in the story so far. But much of the feedback I've received is from readers who seem like they're floundering for clues, so I decided to write this one up.

Q: Commonality

Q:
I need to ask: How do you feel about common plot threads between different authors' stories?

A:
Does anyone have a good one? Seriously, I'm asking.

This story being a fan fiction based upon a game, there are a lot of plot points that are going to pop up that occur in similar fashion in other writers' stories. The idea of facing oneself is one of them, of course, as is the idea of people having Shadow facets that come back to haunt them. This story has both of those, naturally. That isn't my problem.

My problem is that the plot points that I've been trying to develop over the past 54 chapters are happening in other stories, published prior to my chapters or at the same time, and I'm not certain what to do about it.

I've spent a long time (the better part of a year!) trying to fashion these subplots to fruition and conclusion, and I don't think that I can go back and change them now. I don't think I want to do that. (Actually, I know I don't want to do that. It would mean scrapping the last 400 pages or so, and just ending the story after the Duel chapters.) But will readers who cross over with other authors (or the authors themselves) read what I've written and think I've stolen their ideas?

I admit that reading other stories that tackle the same conflict have taught me what I don't want to do for my own story, but I really want my story to have the appropriate impact for the characters involved. And I really don't want my story to be viewed as an also-ran or a copycat. I truly came to these ideas on my own (led by the game, of course), and I've put a lot of work into making them, well, work.

Without revealing anything here (because the conflict hasn't been brought fully to light...unless you've been paying attention to every single phrase with a magnifying glass), I will say that readers who follow more than just my story will come to recognize some familiar issues to other stories'. I'm afraid that I just can't help that. I'm trying to create the issues in a way that's logical for my characters, and I'm trying to create equally logical solutions, as my characters would come to them.

I really just want to write a good, solid story. I'm sorry if it ends up reading like something you've read before. Perhaps I just need to keep repeating to myself that there are no original stories anymore...all that's original is the way I decide to tell my story. I can only hope that readers get some enjoyment out of it, too.

Q: Is anyone actually reading this?

A: ???

Songfics

Okay, nobody asked for this, but I decided to post it here, anyway.

Here's a little group of links to excerpts for the songs that have been used in the story so far. Each excerpt is just about 1 minute in length, but it should still give you an accurate idea of the feeling of each piece.

Chapter 37 - "Agonies and Thrills" - has Rise singing up to Yousuke and Chie. The song is "Free and Easy" by Hamasaki Ayumi, copyright 2002, and is used here without permission. Listen to the excerpt here! (This particular excerpt is the exact part of the song that is described. I listened and studied this song for hours before I finally got the translation right and was able to create the proper feel for the piece within the story.)

Chapter 42 - "Farewell, My Youth" - has Rise singing a song onstage, while the rest of the team listens around the Tanabata Matsuri festival set-up. The song is "Endless Sorrow" by Hamasaki Ayumi, copyright 2002; it's used here without permission. Listen to the excerpt here!

Chapter 43 - "Dandelion Wishes", which covers the Tanabata festival that was referenced back in Chapter 30, "Star Princess" - actually has a couple of songs:

Rise's song onstage is "Voyage" by Hamasaki Ayumi, copyright 2003; used without permission. Listen to the excerpt here!

Nanako and Kimiyo's song onstage is "Wo Qui Non Coin" by Yoko Kanno, copyright 1999; used without permission. Listen to the excerpt here!

Yousuke's song to Chie is "Tanpopo" by Tsuji Ayano, copyright 2006; used without permission. Listen to the excerpt here! (This particular excerpt is the final chorus, where Yousuke joins Rise in singing.)

* * * * *

Some readers do not like song-fics, or stories that have songs placed into them. I don't often like them, myself, since it can feel like the author is taking a short-cut, and using the song to convey emotion and description that the author should really be doing with their own words (as opposed to someone else's). And, honestly, I dislike it when an author just plops in a huge block of lyric text and doesn't enhance it for the sake of the plot or characterization. I've tried not to do that with this story, but I suppose each reader has to decide for him or herself about that.

Getting Back on the Horse

I had a rough time a couple of weeks ago with the writing. Things were just not flowing properly, for some reason. I actually had to scrap one whole chapter (50), and rewrite it again, this time splitting it into 2 separate chapters. I do much prefer the newer chapters as they are, but it definitely took the wind out of my sails, so much that I didn't even update last week at all!

Today sees Chapter 52, "Thrall", posted, one week in advance of the 52-week mark (because my first post on March 11, 2009, was with Chapters 1 and 2, and I updated Chapter 9 before it was due). I think that's still something to be proud of, even if I did miss a week of updating.

I'm hoping that the new chapter will regenerate interest in the story, as I seem to lose readers fairly regularly. I suppose that happens with every story (and mine is a monster in terms of length), but I do often wonder what happened to some of the readers who showed such interest in the early days and then just dropped off the radar. I kind of wish that I could know what made them stop reading/giving feedback...and I kind of don't.

Well, the story's at least in its last arc, with one more fight coming up, and then a whole lot of romance/relationship denouement. (It is a romance/friendship story, after all.) And I've already got a basic outline set up for "Breaking Point," which is the potential sequel story focusing on Yousuke and Kanji, of all people. O.O (It makes sense, trust me.)

I just want to be excited and in love with writing again. I guess that should not depend on things like hit statistics and review numbers, though it certainly helps. I'm getting there, but it's been difficult to pick myself up and dust myself off after the debacle that was Chapter 50.

Ah, well. We live and learn.

POV / Valentine's Day / (not really)

I was going to try and finish "Fireflies and Snow" in time for Valentine's Day (and because the story mostly takes place at that time, in 2012), but it looks like "1 More Chance!" will need the time before the regular Wednesday update (now working on Chapter 51! As Strong Bad would say, "Ah, holy crap!").

I'm starting to think more and more that the sequel to "1 More Chance!" should be told from Yousuke's point of view, since it's been a long time since I've done a male character's perspective. I was also fooling around with an idea that I was calling "1 More Chance! Reprise" that would have been some of the scenes from the main story - and some scenes to which Chie is not privy - told from his point of view...but then I thought that maybe that would just be rehashing old territory. (Some examples: Yukiko's party at the inn; the Wing Chun event; the first kiss; the first sexual overture; the duel acceptance; and so on.) The interesting part of that idea is that the reader would get to see what was going through Yousuke's head during those scenes...but the reader already knows the outcome, so I wonder if it would be nothing more than an exercise for my own ego. The more I consider the issues - and how many scenes I'd want to do - I think I'd much rather move forward with the timeline as originally proposed, after the conclusion of "1 More Chance!"

...And I can't believe that I'm already plotting the sequel to a story that's currently running upwards of 450,000 words...!




I really need to get back to work and just stop thinking about this stuff.

The Failure of Chapter 50

I was never pleased with the original Chapter 50 of this story.

I wrote it in something of a rush, over the course of about two days, after being sick and having some deadlines at work. So, I should not have been surprised when I felt that it just wasn't ready. But it got across the points that I "needed" to have made in the story so far. And, after getting a prod about how long the story had left to go and doing some calculations, I was feeling some pressure to get the story completed in an acceptable time frame. (Although, really, what is "acceptable" in fan fiction? These are stories written for ourselves, after all.)

After less than 48 hours, and losing a little bit of sanity over fears about how much the chapter, well, sucked, I decided to take it down. (I had something of the same issue with Chapter 32, "Listening Skills," though I didn't feel bad about that one...just the readers didn't like it.)

This is the first time that I've "missed" a weekly update since I first started posting the story back in March of 2009, and while I feel like I've failed in that part of my mission, I want the story to be able to stand on its own merits. I don't want to have a chapter up that I just plain don't like...and that is causing me problems.

I did want to thank the three folks who bothered to read and review Chapter 50 early, and I let them know the reasons for why I was doing what I did. I also took into account their feedback and a couple of questions that they posed when I started the rewrites (it pays to give thoughtful reviews!).

Hopefully, I'll have Chapter 50 (and maybe even 51) ready to go by this coming Wednesday. Definitely 50, though. The faithful deserve that much.

So, there was a failure this week. But I think there was also something learned. And that's really what this process is about.

How it all started....

No question again this week, but I thought it might interest readers to know what first prompted me to start plotting this story. So, here's the image and blog post that started this whole story running in my head....

Readers of the story will semi-recognize a variation of this moment from Chapter 6 ("Kung Fu Queen"); it was what originally got me thinking of what a relationship story between Chie and Yousuke might look like. And that surprised and speechless expression on Chie's face - much like the artist's comments - summed up pretty much perfectly the way that I thought (even an older) Chie might react to Yousuke being so compassionate.

Chapter 48 just went up this week, and I'm fixing up Chapter 49 right now, for posting on January 27, 2010. Not many more chapters left, and the characters have come a long way...but this moment still sticks with me as being at the heart of the story.

Giving up the fight

Okay, I get it. I'm a wordy writer; that's just my style. Unfortunately, it makes writing battles tedious or, as one kind reviewer put it, "dull."

Chapter 46, "Bushi no Kokoro" (The Warrior's Heart), has a crapload of fights in it. To add to the confusion, Personas are in this fight. Since I wanted to stay close to the essence of gameplay, I kept the whole you-gotta-smash-your-card-and-say-something-witty technique used in the game. I wonder if that's what's so tedious about them....

Anyway, after the initial reviews, I took out some of the brief fight descriptions, and after the latest review I got, I took out a chunk (about 300 words' worth) of one fight scene in particular. Unfortunately, there need to be enough fight scenes for it to be relatively realistic that the team would feel the brunt of having a mediocre healer, and for the healer in question to feel wasted by the time they got to the eighth floor of the dungeon...and all of the fight scenes need to sort of build off of each other. For example, there's a very brief fight where Kanji uses a new trick and once he has an easy win, he's got this over-confident grin on his face...and then he gets ambushed from behind, and suddenly everybody's hurting. It's meant to be dramatic (well, that's what I was going for, anyway), and I couldn't really leave the first little Kanji fight out before having the Killing Hands come in to fuck everybody up in HP and SP.

It's always a little bit disheartening to see portions of the story that I enjoy get clipped out (or saved for another day), when I really enjoyed writing those sequences in the first place. On the other hand, it's also good to take the criticism and try to figure out where the story can work better for people who read it. (I mean, I lose readers like crazy already...I don't want them to drop the entire story because my fight scenes are mediocre.)

I already knew that fight scenes aren't my forte, and I guess this just sort of proves it. :/

On a high note, though, there's only one (big) fight in the coming chapter (47, which should be up next week on January 13,2010), and then I'm back into a whole crapload of dialogue/emoting, which is something that I do think I do well. "Maturity" (as they call it) also comes back into play shortly, which I'll be glad for...it's been a while since my protagonist had a little bit of downtime.

Q: Is Souji a stranger?

Q: Is Souji a stranger?

Reviewer co426e asks: "You seem to write Souji as some kind of stranger to everyone. He seems the most distant and when they contacted Naoto first instead of their old leader, it made me think. Was this on purpose or not?"

A: Yes.

At least, the answer to the question asked is yes - it was on purpose that Souji is written the way that he is, and that the characters make the decisions that they do.

Seta Souji, the last player in the story, has always been something of an enigma to Chie and the others. He's pretty much unreadable, and he's full of so many mysteries - some small, others not - that no one can ever really tell what's going on in his head at any given moment. With the revelations that start to come in Chapter 46, this should become a little more clear to the reader.

Some of the reason why Souji is so enigmatic as both character and leader is that he's a tabula rasa: in the game, the player can make Souji anything s/he wants: sentimental wuss, womanizing bastard, and anything and all in between. But since no one is ever privy to another's true thoughts, no matter how much is said or expressed between them, I chose to make Souji the pinnacle of that kind of person mystery.

There are all kinds of minor and major conflicts going on with Souji. Some of them he's created for himself, and others are placed upon him by others. Some of these signify that the characters have grown beyond depending him, and others signify that there are still hidden jealousies and mistrusts involved. No one is ever one hundred percent good or one hundred percent malicious; even Shadows have echoes of the truth to them.

Readers who have been paying attention know that Chie is not completely convinced by anything Souji does or says, because she's still more concerned with how he relates to Yukiko and Yousuke (and now Kuma) to give her an unadulterated or unbiased view of what he's actually saying and trying to tell them. Even Naoto - who's usually the first to grasp the answers to these kinds of questions - still doesn't have enough information. But take comfort that the writing of Souji and those around him is no accident. He's meant to be portrayed as an outsider. At least for now.